Are stable ongoing relationships possible? Or do many of you struggle to maintain ‘human’ connections, like me?
When I’m working, I don’t associate with my co-workers in a friendly way. I’ve tried, but I know I come off as awkward and flat, and it’s very uncomfortable for everyone. I do very well with jobs where I have a specific script and I’m on the phone a lot (customer service, telemarketing, even when I worked for an insurance company helping their agents sell group insurance), but I can’t handle face-to-face conversation for long, and I can’t really think on my feet very well. I can fake “small talk” until I run out of things to say and then I start tossing stuff out of left field and it makes people uncomfortable.
I don’t know how to make friends, and I’m terrible at maintaining them. I either bond with people very closely right away or it takes me years to feel close to them. I don’t reveal information about myself because I’m paranoid and hypercritical. I don’t invest in relationships and it seems pointless to do so.
My family is a mess and probably not worth attempting relationships.
I’m in a committed relationship but I constantly waver between feeling very happy with this state of events and feeling sure that I am being taken advantage of. We don’t fight a lot, as neither of us likes confrontation, but I have days where I am extremely negative and suspicious of everything my partner does. I’m trying hard to stop reacting emotionally and recognize those moods as a bad sign, but it’s difficult.
Do you feel suspicious, scared, resentful, etc. towards people with whom you are otherwise in a very satisfying relationship? How do you handle it?
I apologize a lot… I have to slow down a lot and really think about what I’m about to say or accuse people of.
Some of it is my own insecurities talking, some of it is a paranoia spike or sneaky brained thinking.
I sometimes run things by others who I trust to see if my theory of the day seems logical… some times it doesn’t.
It is hard… sometimes I keep thinking my Gf has got be looking for an easier guy to date… but she isn’t. Sometimes I’m sure she’s just waiting until I’m in deep to leave me and mess with me… but I have to remind myself… that was past relations… not this one.
Therapy has helped me work through my suspicions… or my paranoia… and has helped me work on my trust issues.
But I still have to send big flowers and letters when I mess up… I accused her of carrying on with another guy… on her phone… behind my back… I didn’t recognize the number I kept seeing on her phone… It’s my new number… that I haven’t memorized yet… the mystery man I accused her of calling… is me…
Good luck and if you have suspicions… take it slow and try and talk it out with someone.
I think thats what a happy relationship would require…2 entities in a stable with no where to go.
I’m glad you guys have significant others in your life.
I have friends, but I don’t sleep with any of them, and I’ve always been single.
I don’t think Im the hard one, though it may appear that way to others.
it sounds like stress is a big part of the problem. maybe a pill for that? i know, right? other than that, as for the suspicious thinking, my tact when it last applied to me was to take the mindset “I know I’ll forgive it. There’s no sense going through the hostilities over what could be my imagination.” of course, over time, some of it’s probably real. people are unfaithful. and the “you’re just paranoid” card conjoined with, “I don’t like being called a whore” are easy ones to play.
I don’t know if he’s using you for money, or what makes you feel taken advantage of. It could be a very real sense that you could do better that’s manifesting itself as grandiosity.