My magical thinking tends to kick off every Spring. As in actual magicKal thinking issues. And today is a very Spring day outside, so it’s hitting me. It’s like a feeling that gently rolls in and wraps around me, as if to say hello, it’s been a while.
I think it really has to do with how powerful aromatherapy can be for me mood/emotion-wise. I’m pretty sure I would never have developed any interest in “magick” had it not been for how wonderful all these “spells” tend to smell. I think this is even more evidenced in how I was never much drawn to any ingredients for “spells” that didn’t smell good to me. When I would be shopping for essential oils or spices, or puttering around outside for herbs and flowers, I was always looking for things that smelled nice lol. It didn’t matter if patchouli was for lust and/or money, and I had no interest in either, I would find some way to spin it so that patchouli made sense in one of my “spells” or “rituals” because I liked it, plain and simple.
Pretty much everything was always about what I liked. I think it made a sort of way for me to discover some of the most basic things about myself that I otherwise don’t have, just feelings of emptiness and lack of identity (part of why I’ve thought I have Borderline PD for so many years, actually).
Like, there would be color correspondences for the candles, which I would promptly scrap, and make my own list of correspondences, what the different colors meant to me, and then would buy candles because frankly I really like candles, and then I had an excuse (for myself) to buy them and burn them all the time. If white candles could purify, then cool, a reason to buy a huge white candle and burn it all night long. To protect against nightmares or whatever.
And not to forget the lavender and rosemary satchel next to head while sleeping. For nightmares and such. And oh yeah because it smells amazing.
So I’m kind of trying to keep it in line this Spring, since I’m actually trying really hard to recover this year. I’m trying to resist looking up all these spells, pulling out all my old “book of shadows” notes and so on. Trying to also resist making big shopping lists for ingredients I don’t need that would cost money I don’t have.
Instead I’m trying to just get in touch with myself, enjoy some aromatherapy and practice mindfulness. I don’t need to believe that a quartz crystal in the gravel has magick powers in order to use it in a mindfulness exercise and admire it. And I can enjoy some of my essential oils without having to make it into an official spell. And if I like candles, then I should burn one, just because I like it.