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Spring Time Magical Thinking

My magical thinking tends to kick off every Spring. As in actual magicKal thinking issues. And today is a very Spring day outside, so it’s hitting me. It’s like a feeling that gently rolls in and wraps around me, as if to say hello, it’s been a while.

I think it really has to do with how powerful aromatherapy can be for me mood/emotion-wise. I’m pretty sure I would never have developed any interest in “magick” had it not been for how wonderful all these “spells” tend to smell. I think this is even more evidenced in how I was never much drawn to any ingredients for “spells” that didn’t smell good to me. When I would be shopping for essential oils or spices, or puttering around outside for herbs and flowers, I was always looking for things that smelled nice lol. It didn’t matter if patchouli was for lust and/or money, and I had no interest in either, I would find some way to spin it so that patchouli made sense in one of my “spells” or “rituals” because I liked it, plain and simple.

Pretty much everything was always about what I liked. I think it made a sort of way for me to discover some of the most basic things about myself that I otherwise don’t have, just feelings of emptiness and lack of identity (part of why I’ve thought I have Borderline PD for so many years, actually).

Like, there would be color correspondences for the candles, which I would promptly scrap, and make my own list of correspondences, what the different colors meant to me, and then would buy candles because frankly I really like candles, and then I had an excuse (for myself) to buy them and burn them all the time. If white candles could purify, then cool, a reason to buy a huge white candle and burn it all night long. To protect against nightmares or whatever.

And not to forget the lavender and rosemary satchel next to head while sleeping. For nightmares and such. And oh yeah because it smells amazing.

So I’m kind of trying to keep it in line this Spring, since I’m actually trying really hard to recover this year. I’m trying to resist looking up all these spells, pulling out all my old “book of shadows” notes and so on. Trying to also resist making big shopping lists for ingredients I don’t need that would cost money I don’t have.

Instead I’m trying to just get in touch with myself, enjoy some aromatherapy and practice mindfulness. I don’t need to believe that a quartz crystal in the gravel has magick powers in order to use it in a mindfulness exercise and admire it. And I can enjoy some of my essential oils without having to make it into an official spell. And if I like candles, then I should burn one, just because I like it.

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Plus I have to try to save all my spare pennies for the Renaissance Festival in the fall. That’s my one day per year where I let myself pretty much trip balls and think I’m a witch all day.

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It sounds like you’re attributing magic(k)al properties to aromatherapy.

Yes, I think so. Just trying to keep it in mind. Lots of things can easily be special to me, too. And I really like symbolism. I’ve also always been fond of the idea of having an internal power of my own, or some kind of energy. And then yes I love aromatherapy and nature in general.

I just need to learn how to enjoy it all without blowing it out of proportion. There’s nothing wrong with loving herbs, animals, candles, essential oils and so on, or using any such things for the sake of peace, introspection, helping to get rid of “negative energy” etc (not saying lavender oil can replace meds, but gosh it does help me calm down at night when I remember it exists).

What’s ironic is that when my magicKal thinking takes off, it’s actually a disgrace to what I want to be. One time I had an episode where I became convinced that I had some sort of supernatural power that would help me win the lottery. Hundreds of dollars later I was quite the fool, and what does money have to do with being closer to nature, anyway? No, it was just me being greedy and materialistic and having a delusion.

So tonight I’m going to light a candle and adds a few drops of rosemary oil, and just enjoy it, because it’s wonderful enough without needing any delusional extra.

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I have a huge collection of crystals and a small collection of tarot cards. I used to be a big fan of all that crap, nowadays is over, I find it amusing but don’t take it seriously.

I think a part of me liked the old “connection to the ancient earth” thing, the other part a love for the supernatural.

Well, eventually I started seeing demons, that love for the supernatural naturally went away.

Meds are wonderful :heart: