TLDR; is at the end of the post, in bold. The rest of this post kinda rambles.
I have noticed, and perhaps I’m wrong (And bear in mind I’m not talking about all or even most), that a common theme that runs around many discussions about our difficulties often seems to stem from a sense of insecurity. Whether that insecurity be a perceived threat to one’s health, a slight against one’s ego, or just a lack of attention.
Well, I can only really talk about myself, so here I go. I’m incredibly insecure. I have been for a long time. Medication has helped a lot to mitigate my major signs of insecurity, which were often anger, envy, jealousy, and isolation. I’m still pretty isolated, but the others haven’t bothered me in a long time.
Back when I was still under a tentative diagnosis of Psychosis NOS, I read up a lot on the condition. I saw a lot of theories bandied about, but one that struck me as strange and subsequently stuck to my memory, was that during a certain period of an infant’s life, unavailability of the mother or another caregiver surrogate, can lead to schizophrenia.
The researcher who gave the lecture cited John Nash as an example of this, who at first denied that his mother wasn’t available, but later learned that she was preoccupied with some financial distress, which may have bled into anxiety she put into her son. But like all factors, it’s not 100%, and it certainly doesn’t always mean a mother should feel guilty for their children developing in these ways. I believe all our parents do as best they can, and hopefully very few of them parent with malice in their hearts.
Still, I thought it was interesting enough to stick to my memory, and backs up the idea that schizophrenia can be triggered (Even if it happens much later in life) by very early childhood abandonment.
Anyway, onto the whole point of this post: I have some serious hangups when it comes to independent creative pursuits. All of my (Amateur) works in this space have been collaborative, because I find I need the immediate feedback that creative partners can provide. I’ve driven friends off by leaning on them too much.
**TLDR; I need a backbone or justification of my own to pursue my own goals, instead of worrying about pleasing everyone else. I need some balance between the person who cares what everyone’s thinking, and the spiteful ■■■■■■■.
EDIT: And yes, I realize the irony in seeking other people’s input for this thread complaining about needing other people’s feedback. 
**