Sorry - me again same subject i just phrased it better

verbally abusive husband (?) is he really any worse than me?

I have had a not enough respect for him (counsellor thought it was something like - if you love me then you can’t be all that great.) (punish you for loving me scenario)

I ignore him when he speaks - hearing problem or attention problem

  • just not listening or lack of respect again seriously trying to listen more he mumbles - getting my ears checked.

I’m always on the computer and going on about dieting.

he devalues what i do. As he is the breadwinner i guess. He is negative on opening his eyes lately: e.g… have i been kissing you with a cold sore? or i say good morning 'what’s good about it?'
etc etc - this is getting to be daily.

he is critical (or perhaps just comments) every time i eat, sometimes including normal meals because i keep promising myself out loud to eat only shakes to diet… / fast
his attitude is - if you don’t want to be fat stop complaining about it if you’re going to eat all that etc
also thinks he will help by drawing attention to it i think

He tells me i’m irritating - i used the word first about myself - a long time ago - since i called myself irritating he has used this to describe his reactions to me.

He makes me feel very much like i’m physically walking on eggshells by telling me i’m moving around took much if i have shoes on in the house or even if i’m just restless (i take meds that give me restlessness) and physically i sometimes - when he gets back from work - I feel like i’m in the wrong just walking here to there in the house.

He NEVER says anything nice about the things i cook - only making comments EVER about a new type of sausage i bought and that’s not even cooking! baking or preparing from scratch is just not even a thanks or this is nice, just a reluctant attitude to sitting down and eats. excuses this because his mum never made anything special, so he comes from a family where no one was ever going: this steak is excellent or whatever

He expects me to be around when he’s in the house (i’m Schizophrenic therefore disabled and not able to work)
and then has no intention of leaving the house much (like goes out 1 - 2 hrs twice in 4 days off!!)

comments from me like : you’re such a joy for example (my mum’s suggested comeback) feel really over the top - i don’t say things like that i just laugh it all off. any reaction from me feels like it would be an overreaction and would upset him, where as if i told him when he’s in a good mood it would just bring the mood down so much - so i don’t confront him

with sexual issues, mental health difficulties and both of us Aspergers we have been dismissed by Relate the renowned marriage guidance people - as being too complex for counselling their head counsellor refused to see us

sorry to be so long it’s a lot of info i’m sure i haven’t got everything down
he said he never wanted to be domineering a few years ago but i feel like he’s a very nice guy turning into his thug father

I took that to mean he didn’t want to be dominating - which i require for good sex and he is not sexual - so i guess our outlet is just being moody or something?
I think i’ve dismissed him ever since - this was more than 5 years ago - i feel terrible admitting that - maybe i need to clarify - he’s just about asexual and I easily would have laughed at him had i been a bully in school - but i was a victim like him of that stuff

Sorry to just re phrase and re post
i feel like i am getting clearer that i need to talk to him
we can’t afford counselling I’m using the money he gives me to pay mum back for fronting the money for something in August. I don’t have enough myself either and he would be using a huge percentage of what we can save for holidays to have counselling on top
i think i can convince him in August / Sept but that is ages away

You need to find a way to breath new life into your relationship. If not that, work on building your own life separate from him. Look for friends and activities outside the house.

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Zacly what my mum said xx