Son in denial and not sharing diagnosis info

I am not sure where to go next or what to do. My son is 22 and came to live with us after a few years of living with his Dad. He struggled in high school not by IQ but by socially and finishing (turning in) his work. He’s very intelligent and has a heart of gold. He has so many symptoms of SZ. Not showering, cleanliness, topics that can be very odd and hard to follow (which get VERY bad when he drinks or smokes pot) to the point that people have said they feel nervous around him. He is very forgetful and hard to motivate. But when confronted looks like he is harder on himself than anyone else could be. I hate to see him struggle within! It breaks my heart to see him trapped inside, not know what it is or how to help him out.
I got him to go to a councilor for a year and then he suggested a Psychologist that could prescribe medication. He is finally on Risperidone and has been for about 6 months now. At first, he was doing great! Now he seems to be in the same area he was before meds. The councilor suggested before I had him go to the Psychologist that he might have schizo affected.That was the last information I received about any kind of possible diagnosis. Due to patient confidentiality, he knows he doesn’t have to share with us if he has been diagnosed or not. (his medical information)
We are currently on one income. It would be so helpful for him to get any kind of benefits or program assistance. He feels that asking for assistance or SSI is a sign of weakness or giving up. When asked, he says he will work on a resume but after two years, nothing has happened to get a job. He’s never had an episode where he was a danger to himself or to anyone else so getting an inpatient evaluation is close to impossible. Where do I go from here? Do I just find a way to struggle to support him financially and allow him to just “be”? I feel terrible that I didn’t get him the help he needed sooner in life. I had no idea it was going to come to this. With his anxiety… daily life is hard.

  • Desperate Mom who wants to help son find relief from internal battle
1 Like

okay first of all

its not your fault you didn’t notice when he was younger. The symptoms that most of us with SZ display as teens can often be mistaken by the untrained as ‘typical’ teenage behaviors. so don’t beat yourself up over it.

Second.

MANY schizophrenics spend the first couple years in denial over their diagnosis, it really is quite common, because to many of us, we don’t SEE a problem, we don’t FEEL like we are ill.

And finally. The best way to get him help is to get him to accept his diagnosis. WARNING don’t try to ‘force’ it on him. Start a conversation, don’t let him back out of it, but don’t drive it down his throat. Bring it up and carry it out in the same way you likely talked to him about sex when he was a teen.

Trust me, first he will deny anything is wrong, or say it ‘isn’t that bad’. if the convo goes well, he will admit something is wrong, and there may well be tears, you have to support him, but you also cant allow him to become completely dependent on you, as that will only cause more problems than it will solve.

as some who had a LOT of trouble accepting his diagnosis I will tell you this, it takes someone who truly loves them to carry out this seemingly simple plan… For me it was a girl named Sam, who was EVERYTHING to me. Without her I would not have survived that first year. If your son has a friend or ‘partner’ they should be part of this, as they will be a much needed support pillar for him.

I wish you luck!

2 Likes

Schizophrenia is the hardest mental illness to cope with and for others to understand.

When people misunderstand or project their anger onto me it pushes me closer to relapse. It’s easier to understand than to blame others for someone’s mental illness. I’ve always held myself up to high standards but people are not perfect. Schizophrenia is a genetic illness and is not the fault of the person diagnosed. I’m twenty-seven and was diagnosed at age sixteen. I’ve suffered through and accepted it. Others not so much.

Thank you Dremulf Your reply was both reassuring and great advice. He does have a long time girlfriend who lives far away but finally got to visit a few months ago. Very sweet girl. Maybe it’s time for a nature hike and talk with Mom. Finding the right words, atmosphere maybe and timing seems to be the next step.

@PeacefulWarrior: Did you mean to post in this section? This forum is intended for discussions between those diagnosed with SZ or similar afflictions. We do have a parent/caregiver area that you can find here:

You will have to sign up again to post on that side as that portion of the community is on a separate server from this one and they don’t share user databases.

Pixel.
Volunteer moderator.

1 Like

No - if a person had posted previously in the “family” category, they have a username in the new forum, but they need to create a new password.