I spent a lot of time with my 8yr old aunt’s grandkid yesterday. I felt like I got part of my youth back and I enjoyed just not talking about serious stuff. That made me euphoric for the rest of the day, went grocery shopping, just had a day where I forgot my age, situation, and symptoms.
Then it got late at night, and I asked my bf to go to the store to buy alcohol because I wanted to cope with the fact it’s hard to sleep and the mania. I had a few sips of two drinks that were different. One was his, one was mine. I obviously didn’t drink the whole thing. I don’t know if that made a difference as to why I felt sky high, I was laughing at the most stupid things and got lost in one word, not thoughts (bad feeling). Had some energizing tea, and then coffee. I was afraid to take my meds even though I had little alcohol, I felt high and thought my bf put something in the coffee. Doesn’t explain why I felt that way from no illegal substances.
He denied it and said he swore on his father’s grave he didn’t. I missed like 500mg of depakote and 1mg of Klonopin and went to bed at 530am. I had cold sweats for 4hrs and now I’m here feeling like death, and when I talk, I don’t know how I’m talking or thought process it takes to talk
Any unreasonable highs has lows afterwards, this is why you feel like dead now,
You should be aware of these highs and when you feel them coming, abstain from things that make you more manic like alcohol, besides you can ask your pdoc for a med like lithium,
Chemicaly, no, but they both used to prevent mania,
Lithium is more powerful than depakote in my opinion,
Only med is not the way, you should supervise your thought and deny those which are poisonous,
Mania feels like a restless energy where you can’t calm down. You can’t sleep. You want to do a lot of things, but you don’t have the focus to do them. You make a lot of plans but you lack the follow through.
I think I started getting it at 11, I started doing sexual things with other guys, and I think my father used to drug me because I don’t want to be graphic but I slept in his bed, and all around the same time I was getting"sex dreams". Which made me seek out that feeling with other guys.
Being high is not bad, its somehow the goal of life, salvation, but mania is bad because its a kind of high without having base in truth or reality, its like you can solve integral calculus problems but you can’t add one plus one,
Summary : mania has not base so when a manic goes into real life, she faces too many problems that she can’t solve so she falls and agony starts,
Yeah I was so “high” yesterday, it was hard to help the kid with their math homework. He was correcting me. I felt dumb. I was miscounting the models for 100s, 10s and 1s. He was doing the math so fast, I was like him when I was his age, so on point
These are gravity problems, every human has a gravity zone, positive or negative, and if you are in a negative gravity and being a kid which is vulnerable then these problems happen,
Okay thanks. I’m like DEAD right now, I think the only thing that can snap me back for a week or two is the injection and then after, my stability is gone. Maybe I do need bipolar meds.
