Schizophrenia.com

Sometimes I forget I do things that are cool

I used to realize it at least a little while it was happening but not as much these past couple of months. I mean nothing spectacular but just everyday things like today at my shrink appointment I walk in and a few guys looked like they were trying to intimidate me so I met their stare and then some big oaf started acting crazy but I didn’t let it scare me. And that kinda made the two lady receptionists begrudging give me a look of respect.

But last week I was talking to some woman my age there and we talked and shared a laugh. I love surprising people because the world underestimates me so there’s nowhere to go but up.

And in my drug days, I was up for doing things on the spur of the moment like going to clubs or scoring drugs or getting involved with strangers. I kinda miss that but just a couple of nights ago I was at a convenience store just looking for something to buy because I had extra money.

I turned a corner in an aisle and my eyes met this woman’s eyes. I startled her but I just walked part her and went down a different aisle and then she seemingly, deliberately, walked near me checking me out and I guess I passed some test because she looked at me friendly. As I went on my way I kept running into her and in my perspective, she was up to something and wanted me part of it. It got me interested and a little pumped up, like my drug days when going on my little adventures on the spur of the moment. I was intrigued. And I thought, “Wow, I still got it.” It was a little shot of adrenalin. But then the store closed and she wandered away but I thought I was pretty cool.

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No one ever said middle age doesn’t have its moments.

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