I talked to a counselor a few days ago, she’s certain that I was at the very least sexually assaulted, the law classifies unwanted oral sex as rape. After talking to friends and family about this I discovered that my mom, my cousin, and four different friends have either been raped or sexually assaulted. That ■■■■■■ up. That’s really ■■■■■■ up. Things shouldn’t have to be this way. What’s wrong with people??
I’ve been molested as a child.
It’s unfortunate that it’s so common
Some men just can’t take a no
I’m so sorry that happened to you. People are ■■■■■■■ evil
I’m really sorry this happened to you and so many people you know. It’s a sad, societal problem that begins with poor sex education, so kids aren’t learning what consent really looks like. In movies and tv shows, guys learn they need to be persistent, and that no means try harder. Girls learn that if they say yes the first time, they’re a ■■■■. It leads to this messed up game where guys expect to hear no a few times, even from interested parties. They learn to not listen to a no, because it isn’t the answer they want and they’re taught it’s a gray area, rather than a clear line in the sand.
The message that people are owed a sexual partner is driven home in almost every work of fiction that exists, when the truth is nobody is owed another sentient being. It leads to the dehumanization and devaluation of love interests. Instead of being separate people with thoughts and feelings and goals, they’re seen as commodities who can provide things for the person in question.
As a society, we need to start giving proper sex education to kids. We need to teach them what it looks like when someone says yes. We need to teach that it is okay to say yes if you want to. We need to teach that anything other than an enthusiastic yes is a no, and ignoring a no is undesirable behavior. I don’t think this would solve the problem entirely, but it’s an important starting point.
I’m a survivor, too. I was first assaulted at 14. I didn’t even know it was wrong then, because all my exposure to the opposite sex led me to believe being assaulted was a natural consequence of having male friends, especially older, adult male friends. I didn’t know I was supposed to tell my parents. If I had, maybe things would have turned out differently.
I has sex when I was 10. But I started screaming before the pants came off. But it was real sex. I mean like the communication with this grown-up guy was sex.
I’m sorry for those who have been violated.
If any guy wants to try that on me, and they probably won’t since I’m older,
he’s gonna get one stiff swift finger to the windpipe. He’ll drop.
Hey @ninjastar, can we get a trigger warning on this title. I don’t want to make the mistake of clicking on it again.
A man’s perspective: The vast majority of men consider a man’s forcing himself on a woman who’s unwilling or unable to consent is the most unmasculine and disgraceful thing he can possibly do. Despite the rhetoric, we don’t “need to be taught” this - we know it as soon as we reach puberty. Most men will involve ourselves bodily to protect a woman in danger. In prison, rapists are scorned/despised by fellow-inmates.
In a “civilized” society in which we live, there is no legitimate place for either sexual assault or harassment, and is a job termination offense (harassment) in most policy manuals, or a felony in the judicial system (assault).
really, cuz I think that’s rare.
Most women don’t even report it.
and harassment in the workplace doesn’t even mean termination of the guy.
It means she leaves the job.
In my opinion any form of unwanted sexual contact should be classified as sexual assault. As kids we were told “keep your hands to yourself”, why as adults should this rule be different? Groping women on the street has become normalized. That’s horrific and should be illegal just like rape. Women don’t feel safe anymore because we don’t know if we’re going to be grabbed or harassed or assaulted when we’re out alone.
Also, we are just starting to recognize sexual assault as something that doesn’t most commonly happen as a result of a sketchy stranger in an alley but by people you know. A friend of a friend or an actual friend you trust. A family member. A partner or spouse. In olden times if you were married it wasn’t even considered possible that you could be raped by your spouse!
In order to tackle sexual violence, we need to be able to identify it first and not be afraid to call it out when it happens and defend victims of it.
I’m always watching their eyes
are looking too long at me, are they buggy
I always walk fast, and could probably outrun a guy.
But overall, I say hello to everyone on the street when in the cities.
I’m the same way people looking at me too long gives me a ton of anxiety.
How you dress doesn’t matter I’ve been dressed in baggy sweatshirts sweatpants hair in messy ponytail/bun and still been catcalled on my way to class. I once had a grown man follow me all the way there. I just tried to chat with him pleasantly.
When I was thirteen or so I think I was coerced into touching an older relative inappropriately. I sat on it so long out of shame and confusion over whether it was consensual or what. I don’t know what to do with it now. I don’t want to talk about it with a counselor. I just want to let it be in the past, for fear that I don’t remember correctly and can’t prove anything.
that is a hard thing they do to everyone who comes out,
I need a witness. I even asked another guy at work
who this abusive guy was talking to about crazy people with mental illness
within my earshot (I heard it all) if he would go to HR with the proof.
He did too, no questions asked. They still did nothing.
I never talked openly about schizophrenia, but it’s all over the place online.
He also tried to physically force me into his room, saying I had to.
I never wanted to leave, but I had to, because I refused to work around him.
That sounds scary Daze, sorry you went through that. He sounds like a total loser.
thanks, yeah, big guy too, and always angry.
My daughter said I should have just told him to knock it off,
it wasn’t quite that easy.
At thirteen, you can’t consent to anything sexual. I’m sorry that happened to you. It was brave to come forward about it here.
The olden times of 1992, no less!
Jeez louise didn’t realize it was that recent