Firstly - the old fashioned med, depixol, is out of my system. Only now am I realising the anhedonia it was causing. Being free of it is a revelation.
Secondly I am not forcing myself to go out.
Background: for the last two years my doctor put so much pressure on me to have a very active social life. This didn’t sit at all well with me because I get crippling social anxiety and my paranoia, despite all efforts of meds, goes off the charts when I am out of the house.
So for the last two years I have either tried going out and usually ended up in a one step forward - two steps back situation or not gone out but felt intensely guilty for not following doctors orders. Further to this I greatly worried I would lose financial and social support if I didn’t follow doctors orders.
This set of circumstances led to me having a miserable and fearful last two years.
But at my last pdoc appointment I laid it down straight. I told them these high expectations were doing more harm then good. From now on I was going to live a life I wanted and live a life that was in line with my abilities/disabilities. This is not saying I have given up more that I am aware of the limits of my treatment from 18 years of experience of this. So I am aware what I am capable of and what I am not.
I refuse to live with guilt for leading a quiet, mostly solitary, domestic life. This lifestyle makes me happy. I speak with family on the phone. I am a member of online communities. And most of all I am content.
Good for you @anon35166066 ! I don’t lead a regular life but I long ago gave up even trying that rubbish. I do get out a bit but I live a realized life and I live as large as I can. I’m happy with that and I’m not complaining about dropping out of that whole scene years ago!
@anon35166066, When I was a young woman, I used to always go out to clubs and I always experienced terrible telepathy and thought broadcasting paranoia everywhere I went along with depression and feelings of being left out of the crowd. I was always so very miserable. It wasn’t until very many years that I wised up and decided to stay home and develop solitary interests and hobbies and quit going out by myself that my life turned around and I became happy and content.
Good for you! Be who you are! There is nothing wrong with being a home body. Quality over quantity. Often when I go out, I feel as though I drink because I have anxiety, then I end up having stupid conversations with people I don’t really care for. Your life sounds very peaceful. Good job getting off the meds! How long did it take you to ween off?