Firstly - the old fashioned med, depixol, is out of my system. Only now am I realising the anhedonia it was causing. Being free of it is a revelation.
Secondly I am not forcing myself to go out.
Background: for the last two years my doctor put so much pressure on me to have a very active social life. This didn’t sit at all well with me because I get crippling social anxiety and my paranoia, despite all efforts of meds, goes off the charts when I am out of the house.
So for the last two years I have either tried going out and usually ended up in a one step forward - two steps back situation or not gone out but felt intensely guilty for not following doctors orders. Further to this I greatly worried I would lose financial and social support if I didn’t follow doctors orders.
This set of circumstances led to me having a miserable and fearful last two years.
But at my last pdoc appointment I laid it down straight. I told them these high expectations were doing more harm then good. From now on I was going to live a life I wanted and live a life that was in line with my abilities/disabilities. This is not saying I have given up more that I am aware of the limits of my treatment from 18 years of experience of this. So I am aware what I am capable of and what I am not.
I refuse to live with guilt for leading a quiet, mostly solitary, domestic life. This lifestyle makes me happy. I speak with family on the phone. I am a member of online communities. And most of all I am content.
Nobody begrudges me my quiet, mostly solitary, domestic life. Why would they have a problem with yours and not mine? Is it because I’m female? And older? (58).
Good for you @anon35166066 ! I don’t lead a regular life but I long ago gave up even trying that rubbish. I do get out a bit but I live a realized life and I live as large as I can. I’m happy with that and I’m not complaining about dropping out of that whole scene years ago!
Sounds like you have reached a turning point @anon35166066.
I wish you further happiness and being able to find a way of going about your life that works for you. Peace!
@anon35166066, When I was a young woman, I used to always go out to clubs and I always experienced terrible telepathy and thought broadcasting paranoia everywhere I went along with depression and feelings of being left out of the crowd. I was always so very miserable. It wasn’t until very many years that I wised up and decided to stay home and develop solitary interests and hobbies and quit going out by myself that my life turned around and I became happy and content.
Nice one Jimbob, I am the same. At first my psych wanted me to go out and date people and it’s just not me. I live a solitary life too, and it suits me just fine.
In fact, being in social situations makes my symptoms worse, maybe it’s the same for you.
Good for you! Be who you are! There is nothing wrong with being a home body. Quality over quantity. Often when I go out, I feel as though I drink because I have anxiety, then I end up having stupid conversations with people I don’t really care for. Your life sounds very peaceful. Good job getting off the meds! How long did it take you to ween off?
