My hook up won’t hook up with me anymore because I asked why he saw me if he didn’t like me. He said no, he didn’t have feelings for me and me asking was extremely awkward for him. It’s been since Nov, 2014 since we started hooking up. He sells me pot and now he won’t sell me pot.
It’s like on the one hand I’m extremely detached from normals but on the other hand I crave their acceptance and i never get it.
i realize i have no idea how to maintain a real relationship—like ever. the whole illness prodrome stuff—came up in puberty, so i’ve never really developed socially since then…and now it’s hard because i hide my true self.
Cookie emoji kind of makes me feel better.
I could set records for social ineptness. Relationships are a problem for me too. I’m 57, and I guess what I am looking for right now is true love, but it’s a little late for that. I doubt if I’ll get it. I’ve only been in one long term relationship, and I didn’t feel like my emotional needs were met in it. I’ll probably live out the rest of my life in solitude. In some ways I like that better.
Don’t worry ab your hook up. Here is what I know:
Hes a normal right? So he doesn’t battle as much with self worth. In fact, I’m willing to bet he has a good view of himself, enough atleast to be a sells person. He also has to have a convincingly good sense of charm in order to sell and profit.
He hasn’t responded to you because he viewed you perhaps as another customer hook up session. Have you and him deeply engaged in conversation? Once you showed weakness, he boned out yes?
I bet also you are probably decently attractive, you just don’t think you are. This is a major part of the disease bdd, ocd. Anxiety.
If I’m understanding the situation correctly (I could be wrong here), it sounds like this was not a problem with you, and this guy was just a **** person. Sounds like he was using for sex and also saw you as a source of money, as a vulnerable person trying to self-medicate that he could push his weed with. While YOU were the normal person in the situation, wanting real bonding and friendship. You’ll never get genuine bonding from people who are incapable of giving it, but that doesn’t have anything to do with you.
This makes me want to happy-cry! I am normal in my wanting a real intimate thing. In fact, he did get mad when I asked for a “special.” I guess he was kind of exploiting my need to self medicate, taking everything he wanted and giving nothing in return.
*sigh
Thank you all for your replies! I feel better. Took some sarcosine and a long nap, woke up feeling drained but better.
I think you’re better off without this guy? I can’t believe he won’t sell you pot anymore…what an ass. Hopefully you have other connects? I remember you saying you were hooking up with two guys in another post. What happened to the other guy?
LOL you remember! Well…I got upset at the first one and texted the second one pretty much “what is this we’re doing” and he immediately told me to quit with the emo !! and ditched me, too. I’m like wow, what about me sets me up for this?
They don’t know I’m sz, by the way. I mentioned psychosis to the one who called me an emo, maybe that’s why he called me an emo.
Luckily, I found another dude. Not going to mess around with this one, for sure.
I often feel this way, too. We are together, feeling this loneliness, does that make us less isolated in a way? Thanks for the reply, I realize that this is pretty much what awaits if I don’t do a better job of screening my normals.
well, I say good riddance to those two other guys…you deserve better not just to be used sexually. Maybe you were using them for sex I don’t know. Are you o k? I mean are you heart broken? I hope you are alright.
Thank you! Yea, I’m better. To be honest, I was friends with one and that one hurt (emo-calling dude).
I guess my heart is broken in this abstract way, like, wow, I can’t judge people’s emotions, or if I am, then I misjudge them horribly. I think that’s why my heart is broken, like my idea of myself as being able to play normal comes crashing down when I realize how far from reality I still am.
I was kind of using one for sex and weed, and the other for friendship/sex and weed. The weed was the bond that kept me to them.
Sigh. Back to the drawing room
cookie makes it better:
how old are you if you don’t mind me asking? I am an old man (53) but I still smoke weed. I had a medical marijuana license in Arizona when I was still married but now I have poor connects. I only get it about once every three months, killing really. Don’t be a stranger. I think you are a “good girl”. I’m surprised the AA’ers on here haven’t attacked this thread because of talking about weed. good luck @HQuinn
I wouldn’t say settling more so as He doesn’t want to commit and jumps to conclusions when you opened up to him. Also, I bet he thinks you are hot and attractive. Also guy’s like that tend to call or text weeks,maybe months later. Don’t ever get down just because he’s a normal guy. Normal guys usually stick to the normal as well and choose to get with good looking girls.
I am 32 years old. lol on the AA’ers. I try to mention as much as possible that it’s medicinal for me and that other sz might have positive symptoms if they aren’t habitual users like me. Or maybe they just haven’t read this thread yet lol
Your profile bubble says oklahoma? Man, that must be a bummer in terms of medicinal cannabis.
Thank you for the replies and good luck, to you, too!!
no problem, I enjoy talking to you. Yes, I keep hoping for national legalization through the government but living in Oklahoma surrounded by republicans makes it pretty much just a “fool’s hope” about getting medical marijuana here. I too use it medicinally and it helps immensely with my back problems. I get such a release from my problems when I partake. I love it and I will never stop. I believe in it.
OK, here’s the lone, token AA’r to the rescue, lol. In my opinion he’s doing you a favor by not selling you pot. Yeah, one of the most basic traits that most people have is to be accepted. It’s a universal feeling. Whether you hate people or you like people, all of us, including you are social animals. Man is a social animal.
I’m 49 and got married 2 years ago. It’s never too late. 
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