Social Media and the Unsociable (long)

Last night I was looking through scans of old photographs of my family. I saw a few very funny old pics of my brother and sister from the 80s. One was from my mother’s second marriage ceremony where my bro was posing in a really funny pose. The second was him with a really silly look on his face on the day he was married. The third was of my sister’s huge, 80s, mall hair. Just silly, funny pics from long ago of my siblings.

I posted them to my Facebook. At first my bro was laughing, he made a couple funny comments and when I saw him last night in person he was fine with them, he really liked remembering those times and we smiled about how silly we were as kids.

Then, because I had tagged him in the photos, everyone on his friends list must have seen them. Which shouldn’t have been a problem, they were great pics.

Unfortunately, my family are very religious and they surround themselves with their religious friends. These friends, now, I don’t know if they really are as devout/fanatical as they seem or if they just feel they have to put on a show by posturing all the time but two of them decided to comment on the pics.

One woman, who was close with my family, especially during my mother’s death and the death of her mother, posted about how it doesn’t matter what people look like on the outside it only matters that they have God in their hearts, and other assorted crap.

Then a male friend of my bro’s left a long message about how people change physically over the years and how what’s important is growing in wisdom and such malarkey.

I was like what the F? My pics were not commentary on my bro’s appearance, he looked fine then and looks fine now. They were just because of the silly looks on his face. I deleted the woman’s comment, it was too preachy and serious for my wall. I replied to the man by saying, “These are just silly pics. Smile, no need for a life lecture.”

I tried to be nice, that is truly the limit of my diplomatic abilities.

I slept a while and when I woke up I saw that my brother had deactivated his Facebook account. He’s been using it a lot lately, posting funny videos and sports stuff and family photos.

I sent him a bunch of texts and when he answered this morning he was very vague about why he did it. He just said it was the comments. I pushed a little but he wouldn’t elaborate. I don’t know if he’s upset about what I did or what they did. He really seemed to like using his Facebook and I feel like total ■■■■ because he’s deactivated his account over the pics I posted.

Man, I wish I was better at social maneuvering.

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First off, You handled that WAY better then I would have.

I would say this time, it’s not you. It’s them. Really? To go on and on about God’s wisdom when you were just posting some harmless nostalgia? Like… Look, it’s the 80’s… we were young and silly." :smiley:

Maybe he deactivated his FB because of the heavy handed preaching over some thing simple as some family wedding pictures. I don’t think you said anything inflammatory. I don’t have a FB at all. I could see stuff like that happening to me and I would not take it well.

I’d say just go out to lunch with your Bro (if you can… he might live far away) and see if he says anything. If not, then that’s his deal. Don’t feel bad… It’s the religious family friends who are out of line on this one.

My setting on Facebook are that I need to approve a tag before it gets posted. I was getting tagged in a lot of Elvis Presley posts that had nothing to do with me.

My guess would be that if your brother deleted his account over this then there are some other things going on and he was probably thinking about doing it anyways and this was just a catalyst not the cause. Or he overreacted which again may indicate some other things going on. Perhaps his using is causing him a lot of problems and pictures of the past are making him remember good times that he doesn’t want to remember right now.

Hopefully you guys can work it out.

My brother is as straight laced as they come, no drugs and very little alcohol at all.

Sorry Malvok… I misread He’s been using it a lot lately as using a lot lately. My bad.

I dont think you meant for things to get out of hand - I myself many times get into small jams I initiated, but it was all innocent. Like you I have trouble steering myself out of awkward social situations.
I think he will realize, it was all very innocent on your part. I think he will eventually understand clearly what has happened. Give him some time - him getting off of Facebook may have nothing to do with the family photos, something else may be going on


No problem, I do that a lot myself. Misread, not use. :smile:

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Looks like you were the normal person in the situation. Someone going preachy about religion in the comments on throwback pics? WTF WITH A CHERRY ON TOP

And facebook is probably distracting him at work so don’t feel too bad. It’s not your fault is the zealots’ fault.

You were the rational, normal person here. I bet your brother was like “I dont wanna talk to these weirdo zealots” when he deactivated his account.

It sounds like some people reacted in a way you didn’t predict. Its impossible to predict what everyone will do - so don’t beat yourself up over that.

Its unfortunate about the other comments - but you can’t control them, and you also had a lot of fun with your brother thinking about and enjoying the photos. Your brother will recover from the comments - and all will be forgotten (but you’ll have learned something and probably be more careful in the future.