So I’ve been journaling everything for a while now and every get together (with social distancing) I’ve realized my bizarre behavior. Sometimes I catch myself taking up the whole conversation and talking about random sh… that no one has a clue why I’m talking about so many things. I totally freaked out my cousin and her fiancee with my word salad and now I’m embarrassed. I knew I was going down hill when I went to my dad’s party Saturday. I mean I was fine for the first several hrs, but then I started to feel symptoms coming on. I even reminded her that I have Schizophrenia and tend to act strange and have memory issues. I don’t know, her fiancee was giving me those 
eyes that you immediately recognize as “oh, ok. What is she talking about?” Look. I feel so dumb. 
I normally wouldn’t care, but I’ve been doing so well. Also they’re getting married in August, I don’t want them to think I’m crazy.
Don’t worry about it. I am sure you were great, you are just being hard on yourself. 
I know what you feel. After a few hours I have to leave social gatherings. If I stay too long, I get weird. I’ve just learned to leave after a certain time. People who truly know me, understand why. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Try not to feel self conscious about, and just go with how you feel. If your sister’s fiance gives you weird eyes, give them right back at him…he has no right to act like that.
Thanks. I hope I can get past these feelings.
Haha! Yeah, I’m good at staring back. I did try but my cousin, I think, caught me staring and she blushed. I saw her after I stared at him…lol maybe she thought I was checking him out…lol 
Oh, and they kept smooching in front of us. It was so cringy… Bleh. Kissing noises. 
It sounded like two snails mating.
Googly eyes are not the same as flirty eyes. Use the raised eyebrow at the same time, then there is no question. Your cousin can think what she wants. LOL.
Ugh on the kissing. I threw up every time I saw my young adult niece when she had a boyfriend. I am the dumply auntie, so I got really good with the critical googly/raised eyebrows. LOL
All of us have stuck a foot in our mouths, normies are no exception. You just wish the floor would swallow you up. Just live it down like everyone else has to.
You’re right. I’m just feeling my own emotions right now. I know everybody has to too.
I tend to overshare. I get worried about a lull in conversation and begin yapping, then give up too much information about myself.
Same. I guess she’ll understand if she wants to. She knows what I have. I’ll forgive myself, I guess. 
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