So its 12:02 AM

Should go to bed but I’m not going to because i hate myself inside and have no legitimate life to account for…So lets talk…I find myself wondering why i am stuck inside this bubble of myself that i have to fight myself to get out of and experience new things…for example, my music, i mostly listen to the same music playlist i have had and built upon slowly over the years, OVER and over…i am just too lazy to look up and listen to new music, and its hard for me to enjoy new music because im depressed and lose interest quickly…same thing goes for movies and shows…unless a very close Friend recommends something to me to watch, i will NOT, watch anything new unless its something i have grown accustomed to over the years, things i know i will like…i am stuck in this kind of bubble repeating itself over and over…i feel trapped inside of myself…same goes for everything else, even video games, same ■■■■■■■ story…its really sickening, this either deep deep laziness or just deep depression or loss of interest…the only thing that ever helped get me out if this bubble was marijuana, and now that i don’t have it, i have this dieing need for it, because its my medicine that helps me deal with this shittyness that is myself…please tell me im not alone here…

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Same here.

I’d give up the weed man. You’ll get used to it and then it’ll feel the same. Except you won’t need to get high to feel good.

How long ago did you quit?

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hamster :hamster: hug.
take care :alien:

its been almost 5 years but i have lost track of time…i got SZ and haven’t smoked since…i just cant give up on it, its comparable to losing someone you love and they stay in your thoughts haunting you every minute of every day…a thirst, a need that stays with you…and what else am i to do? Just live and suffer though life until i die? I refuse to rely on ■■■■■■■■ pharmaceuticals that are shoved down our throats with all these side affects, while a natural solution to all your problems is staring you in the face haunting your every thought…

You gotta put that stuff out of your mind. You are already living a simpler existence. Now you have to accept that is what you are going to do. Forget that other stuff is possible or even happened and try to make the best of it.

Changes like that are possible. I smoked for the better part of a decade every day. Thought it was the way I’d live for the rest of my life. Now I more or less despise the stuff. I still think it looks pretty and smells nice, but the effects aren’t that great and it will ■■■■ your life up whether you develop SZ or not.

Have you considered doing some exercises if you have energy? maybe focus on body building? Exercise can be very addictive and improve your life. I also listen to the same music over and over again but I’m always searching for new music, it;s just very rare for me to like something. I’m really enjoying going to the movies recently, so much fun. I saw ant-man, really good and love that guy~! mission impossible was very good also, then train wreck, it was kinda funny but meh. what kind of music do you listen to?

If weed helps you, why did you quit?
It helps me, I use it every day, I am not going to quit, and it does not affect my schizophrenia very much at all. I’d much sooner reduce my AP dosage than quit weed. But too much weed is a bad thing, of course. Too much of anything is bad. I’m working on reducing the amount of weed I smoke and it’s going great. Not very difficult. I don’t need it so much now since things are going better for me.

i quit because i got sick just haven’t had the chance to try it again while on meds and having sz, guess ive just been afraid of relapse…

That is wise man.

Sz isn’t typically degenerative. I’n fact i’d argue the opposite… that is unless you add drugs.

I think some guys get depressed one because as a culture men repress their emotions a bit and find it harder to convey pure joy or childhood innocence also thru conversions men who are depressed often have big hearts and are very empathetic so that can be draining so maybe you’re kind of protecting yourself so that you don’t feel too much or hurt but that’s no reason to hate yourself you are a person in a rut we all have moments. You are not a freak or alone a lot of people share your fears and if you take the pain you have to choose for me in the darkest of my depression I made a few bold choices:

I would write again and finish my memoir

I vowed to God never to self harm or attempt suicide.
This vow was due to a conversation with God, who said to make a promise not to kill myself as if I had some mission also that if only I knew my strength my power… It comes randomly he speaks he came to me outside the abortion clinic and told me I was forgiven and that he understood when everyone I knew outside my family was harassing me I was only 6 weeks pregnant the min…it was painful a lot of things hurt and we suffer through it not always to gain is through constant fulfillment or happiness. Bearing the burden of this may grant you a more profound revelation or when the sun comes out you will be proud for having survived all we do as humans is survive and try to leave a mark. Feel better

If it made you sick without meds I think it will do it again. Only a little less maybe. So maybe you should just not smoke it.

As for the neurodegeneration thing… there is no scientific evidence to back that up when it comes to smoking weed. And last I checked it doesn’t cause any cognitive long-term after effects for normal people either.

its not like i smoked pot and then instantly had an episode, i smoked like 2 days earlier then i had an episode, and even when i was not smoking any pot i still had an episode while not on meds, so i dont see how pot can be to blame for any of it, it could have triggered it maybe, but im on meds now so i think i will be fine if i smoke it again…

Hmm yeah, maybe that wasn’t the pot then. You might be right. But be careful with how much you smoke. I got a little bit psychotic for a few hours the other day because my tolerance is down and I smoked too much. Not fully psychotic though, just a little paranoia. It only happens when I smoke too much.

Me too. If I smoke more than a hit or two, I get ■■■■■■ up really bad. It looks like somebody smeared vaseline on a camera lens, and I start getting upset and scared.

All you have to do is deactivate the hallucinogenic compounds in weed by cooking in some kinda oil base at a certain temp for about an hour and drink the oil and you’ll get the medical benefits of it without the high.

Make sure you get pure indica, preferably a land race strain,sorry I can’t go into more detail, if you live somewhere where its illegal id be contributing to a crime.

If you are legal to grow you can grow a indica strain for 4-6 weeks past its harvest date and get almost pure CBD.

I did that a couple of times and slept for 3 days straight on the stuff.

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I can’t sleep. I’ve been going to bed around 4:00 PM and waking up around 1:00 AM. Is it insomnia? I don’t know. I think I’m going to try and go back to bed, but I just had a Monster lol.

I’m getting depressed.

Aside from it being a different sleep schedule it doesn’t sound like insomnia. That’s still 9 hours.

I’d just tough it out until 10 or midnight and you’d probably be back to normal within a day.

It’s a chore in itself to make sure my sleep schedule doesn’t go topsy turvy like that. It still happens all the time.

Maybe you could have a cup of coffee around 1 and then sleep at around 8:30. I remember some days I went to bed around 6 and woke up midnight.