So I found out yesterday I have PTSD

I’ve had it likely since I was a kid and it might have even caused my schizophrenia. I’m half glad doctors finally know how to treat my anxiety problems and half upset. Now I have to take yet more medicine and ugh, see a therapists. I don’t like therapy because it virtually never works for me because therapists don’t know how to help with my schizophrenia. Let alone a mental disorder.

I’m thinking of online Christian Therapy but It’s very expensive. Usually $300-$400 a month or more. I live off of my SSI check and can’t afford that. Oh well, at least I know what’s wrong with me now.

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I’ve suspected that I might have PTSD from some of my scarier delusions for quite some time now. I have never had it diagnosed though.

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GAD and PTSD from my first psychotic break

Yup for years they thought I had GAD too. PTSD never came up because I thought only veterans got it from what they see in war and my doctor (who is actively in the national guard and had to serve several times during COVID) was like no not at all. Anybody can get it and everybody responds to trauma in different ways.

I was diagnosed with PTSD from early childhood abuse. I used to have flashbacks where I would relive the trauma and the physical pain. But I’ve done a lot of work in therapy and on my own and I don’t have flashbacks anymore. I saw a therapist once a week for two years, he really did a lot for me. And my ex husband helped a lot too. And when I got word that my abuser had died something in me released a lot of the pain.

I’d see a doctor and get checked out. Then at least you know what’s going on.

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Childhood trauma here too. My dad abused me from childhood until I met my wife actually. About 21 years.

I’m so sorry. It’s a hard road for sure. When the person you’re supposed to be able to trust the most hurts you the worst. It really messes with your entire existence.

It was more traumatizing when I was growing up. My childhood years until my early adult years I grew up thinking my dad hated me. He was always angry, he was always telling me how he wished I was never born, and other verbally abusive things. So, I thought my dad hated me, it wasn’t until my sister pointed out when I was around 17 or so that dad drinks that I learned the truth.

My dad hid his drinking from his kids by drinking at night when we were asleep. So by the next morning he was super hung over and well… he took it and all his problems out on me.

I don’t blame my father. I wasn’t the world’s greatest son. I blame the liquid straight from Satan. It was his drinking that turned him into the abusive Father I came to know him as. Not my dad.

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