It’s getting to that point in my life that I can’t continue to live the way I am doing. The boredom and out of touchness and insanity is killing me. And the uncertainty is stinging clearly. I barely feel emotions, mostly numbness. I’ve been stuck in the chains of severe depersonalization. I deal with these evil voices and this unnamed reality, though I am strong in it, I’m so weary. I’m 20 years old, I dropped out of high school in 9th. I’ve given up on my dreams as well. I try to make moves in life to do something productive, but end up at the idea I need to fix myself before I can move forward, which so far in 3 years has had no result. My actions dealing with spirituality and morals is below par causing havoc. I try to get back to a mind I can be well in, which is most likely a illusion. I’m just in misery and pain, and don’t have self love. I need to get a move on life, or make some sort of change, I can’t be doing this repeative lifestyle anymore. I’m just numb from this psychosomatic stress induced anxiety, and am very little extrovert and don’t think of my day to day experiences / advents. I have guilt for my illness and I take it as my own fault. I’m just wasting life away. A king of my own misery. X.x
“Mental illness is not a personal failure. In fact, if there is failure, it is to be found in the way we have responded to people with mental and brain disorders,” said Dr Gro Harlem Brundtland, Director-General of WHO, on releasing the World Health Report.
Is there someone to assist you in making the change of lifestyle?
You can try something different: Looking things from another perspective, observing objects from another angle. Or if you haven’t try cooking, give it a try. Explore the activities and it may gives you new strength and experience.
Hey. I’ve been there. I find myself there from time to time as well.
It’s a vicious cycle. Sign up to get your GED online and make it your focus that no matter how hard it is… Don’t drop the ball. I’ve found that focusing on achieving something makes you feel better about yourself, feeling better about yourself helps your mental health. It won’t be easy, but it may help you.
Nopey is right. Make some goals for yourself and do a little bit each day to get there. Just like it takes small corrections/directions from a pilot to guide a plane to its destination. (You don’t get from Dallas to New York by yanking the wheel hard.) If you do one thing each day or each week, you will accomplish your goals. I hope you find the right medication. Have you tried clozapine?
Would you like to get you GED (I’m in Australia and have learned that GED means finishing high school, so I apologise if you’re not in America).
Can you volunteer your time anywhere like an animal shelter or an op (thrift) shop?
Are there any courses you are interested in, like creative writing or something to do with computers?
I have been very depressed and suicidal recently and I know how hard it is to see any future for yourself at these times, but your post seems to read as though you are looking for a light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish you luck in finding what you are searching for.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
I know I’ve been there before and you think there’s no hope and no way out but I can tell you it gets better!!! I’ve been suicidal ideation-free for 2 years now