I had a really rough night and im Frustrated to no end. Frustrated of the people who think they know but have no idea, frustrated of the people who think im faking like there is some benefit to it. Frustrated of the same people who think im faking and still use it all against me anyway as being detrimental, just for their own selfish personal gains no matter who they hurt in the process. Frustrated of all the people who cant understand, and the fact that i cant make them understand. Frustrated that my son son barely knows his father. Frustrated i cant do more for myself, and for others. Frustrated i fall victim to my own bad habits and cant pull myself out of my enevitable downfall. Im frustrated i cant pull myself out of my own head. Frustrated i cant keep the tears back. Frustrated i cant keep all the noise in my head quiet, frustrated of the bombardment of the endless nonsense that rattles between my ears and keeps me from being a normal person. , frustrated the voices dont listen to me like i have to listen to them because they arent as smart as me and im at least clever and entertaining . Frustrated i cant help myself and have to be dependant instead of providing for and taking care of those i love, instead i feel like burden who has to constantly be watched and checked on to see if im taking my meds or going delusional. Frustrated i mostly dont know when im delusional and when im not Frustrated how everything is going. Frustrated my meds change every few weeks and i still dont feel consistently anything consistent. Frustrated i cant just be happy anymore without being manic. Frustrated i cant be sad without being depressed. Frustrated i cant get my sorry ass out of bed most days. Im frustrated i always have hope in the face of hopelessness its so stupid. Frustrated i always get my hopes up. Frustrated with my own wishful thinking its dumb and im tired of always trying to be so optimistic in the face of unrelenting adversity. Im frustrated with myself, my condition my problems my worries my life in general. Im frustrated in my inability to be there for my wife when she needs me. Im frustrated i refuse to tell people what i really think or how i really feel because of my ridiculous unproven âbuddhistâ belief structure, frustrated i cant completely trust my spirituality without doubting it at a core level. Im at the end of my rope today and tired of taking my beat downs with a smile asking for âmore pleaseâ and its hard to continue on. Ive had unrelenting voices all night that have me severely loathing myself. I know im better than they say but god damn they seem logical and it seems like im the one with a jaded perspective. I have no defense to argue back to them and defend my self. Iâm frustrated with being frustrated and its sooo damn frustrating.
Had to vent!!! I didnt want to throw all this on my wife as soon as she wakes up and my damn dogs wont tell me what to do, so the boards are all i have other than them. I know itâs prob impossibly hard to read but just had to.get it out to get the tears to.stop for even just a short time. Im just so fed up lately, if i didnt have my wife i might be dangerous, instead of me just grining and wearing it I figured id share.it and bare it. End of my rope today, good thing theres no noose on end of it. Gonna be a tough one to get through today. Thanks for listening.
I think it is helpful to communicate with your wife, she is your closest person in life. I still think you should not keep silent for your frustration. Let your family helps you together.
I plan to, just want to let her get some sleep and hopefully this will pass before it ruins our day as it has my night. She works hard to support us and i feel im just bringing her down all the time with my endless s**t. Another thing to be frustrated about.
Frustrated i feel the need to wear this mask to associate with people. Just cant turn it off today, just stress getting the best of me but always seems to, when do i get a win? How many haymakers can i take to the chin and keep getting up? The endless barrage is getting old, years of struggle and torment. Just getting harder and harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel, not without wanting and hoping and trying. Cant i just have a day of peace every now and then, dont i deserve that? Today would be niceâŚ
I donât know what to tell you to make you feel better just remember youâre not alone. Even if you feel no one understand you youâre not alone. Weâre here for you, your wife sounds like sheâs very supportive if not a little stressed from working so hard.
This illness can be really frustrating. We need to learn how to deal with it, especially the bad days. Itâs hard, sometimes seems impossible, but we manage. Not giving up itâs a good start, then we learn how to cope with the little things, and a bunch of little things are big things. Getting used to the illness when we want to be normal is a pain. Accepting the illness takes time. In the meanwhile, we have to humble down and maybe lose a few battles, but if we hold tight to our core and put the ârecovery by all meansâ goal in front of our eyes, itâs possible to lead an almost-normal or even normal life.
Not giving up on that objective is the key.
When I first started to develop some insight, the first thing that I thought is how painful and hard recovery is. But itâs only the beginning, then it gets easier, we grow accostumed to it.
Like others said, youâre definitely not alone. Trying to explain this to neurotypicals is a frustrating business Weâve all been thereâŚ
Not really looking for someone to make me feel better though some poignant unanticipated brilliant insight from somewhere would be welcomed. Had a stressful day yesterday which i thought i actually handled well, then it rears its ugly head when i thought i was in the clear, which is frustrating!!! Just fed up today and had to vent. Shed too many tears for 1 night so i thought id give anger a try!! Lol. I think they both suck, need to learn how to cope when i get this overwhelming feeling of âF**K IT!!â But i guess, ill pick myself up and continue to trudge thru the mud until i hit the next pitfall. This cycle is getting old tho. It is nice to know people are there and im not alone in this madness.
Sounds to me like youâre doing everything you need to and then some. Unfortunately, recovery from Sz is one of those âtime takes timeâ things and that can be frustrating as hell. I think youâre on the way to building a powerful recovery so keep that chin up (despite the haymakers).
I understand, I had a bad day yesterday. I went to a few stores at one point sat in the car for a while (and it was hot out). One store the parking lot wasnât level and I almost fell backwards but caught myself against the car. Then went to do dinnerâŚapparently it was too much for me because I had a mild/slightly severe panic attack. I donât know if it was panic, but extreme anxiety.I wasnât bothered by much I was just overwhelmed I think.
Now that the issues are out you can treat them as if they exist independently of you and gradually let the ideas disintegrate into nothing. Just say fuckem.
I feel like an a$$. I didnt realize you had such a supportive, caring wife. You are so incredibly lucky. Very few of us ever find someone that can deal with our day to day issues. Let alone them dealing with us when we get psychotic. Iâd like to hear from her, get insight on how she copes.
Weâve all been thereâŚ