Schizophrenia.com

So confused


#1

hello,
I am a 23 year old man.
I first felt that something was wrong about a year ago when i started drowning in my thoughts. any commonplace activity could drive me into a rollercoaster of ideas such that after a short moment i really did not know where i started.
Also, i started hearing voices but nothing was too serious. Moreover, i was smelling stuff that i could not possibly smell. ei, i would go to my room and smell chocolate even though i was sure and postive there was no chocolate
About a month later, i went to see a doctor and after doing a couple of test of which i forgot the acronymes he diagnosed me with schizophrenia and told me to go see a physician that will prescribe medicine for me but i did not go.
In the beginning of April, I moved out and lived alone for about 2 months during which i would only go out to school where i hardly talked to anybody in any unformal way.
When summer came, i went back home and my family seemed so weird and so did i seem to therm. During my lonely stay, i developped the habit to talking to myself aloud but i really was discussing things with parts of me that i felt were distinct. So, after my mother was showing me how broken was her heart when she saw me this way, i did my best to talk to the voices only quietly though this was flawed as i would spit a couple of words or a grin when one of my parts said something funny or noticed something funny,
i distinguish between 3 voices, or rather parts of me. There is an old voice, that always advices me to do good things and gets angry when i dont, there is also a rather rude young voice that is only about itself and that would always make horrible interventions (for example, i would be thinking about my mom and it would tell bad things about her even though i always loved my mom the most). and last there is Stephanie, the only one that i know by name, she forces me to believe that i am a woman; a lesbian woman and it is all about being soft and feminine, also, it would force me to dress like women at times and as unbelievable as it may seem this started when i was 11 or 12 (only the desire of being a woman and fulfilling this desire as well as i could). Though i have such desire i know that i am a man too and am attracted to girls and have had so many of them but i am also a woman when stephanie takes over.

I am so confused because i realized that maybe i am just a very good liar with a vast imagination, and my family are probably right since they always say that when i “wanted” to i was perfectly normal, maybe i just wanted to be skizo and lied to the doctor and made everything up because i liked the idea of being skizo and especially i liked the fact that my mental abilities have gotten sharper and sharper as i progressed in time. but then again, i surprise myself arguing with myself when people stare at me in the streets, and at times i am really convinced that nothing really exists and maybe this is all the fruit of my imagination or maybe a dream or something.

How can i be sure of wheter i am skizo or not??

Thank you for your time


#2

I took a psychological evaluation, it cost a thousand bucks but it tells you everything about your mind, seriously every little thing. The evaluator will have no doubts when he/she is done…mine took three sessions to talk to me and I also took the MMPI-2, a 550 question inventory that is half of the evaluation.


#3

That`s pretty much what was the doctor for, and after the evaluation he declared i was schizophrenic. I dont want to do the same thing again because it is not going to dissipate my confusion. I am seeking you guys opinions and experiences as i think it may shed more light that another evaluation.


#4

I’d just go to the same place you had the evaluation at its still in their files. And say you want to take meds to make all the voices go away. Takes time to find the best one but usually one will at least make them harder to hear.


#5

The thing is that i do not want to start the meds. I think i can manage the voices so far. the real issue is the veracity of the voices. All i want to know is if i am really schizophrenic or if i am just making those voices up. Does it happen to you guts to think that your voices are made up when people suspect your illness.


#6

Umm…thinking the voices are “made up” is just denial, I’m sorry to say. Just accept that you have schizophrenia and realize that medication is the only way to make the voices stop. It sounds like you think you can stop them on your own…I’m a schizophrenic psych student and I can tell you for sure that willpower doesnt work on schizophrenia. You might be able to function while hearing voices, but they won’t stop until your brain’s neurotransmitters are balanced back to normal. Antipsychotics are Major Tranquilizers, they dampen the brain in many areas, and that’s why they cause sedation. The newer ones don’t sedate you as much, especially if you drink coffee a few times a day. I have started powerlifting, and I am not sedated when I take 260mg of caffeine! I go lift multiple times my weight and operate a vehicle! Sedation is almost enjoyable at times compared to when I was raving nuts.

You have been diagnosed, that’s been taken care of. I think you just might be afraid of meds and slightly in denial. I was worse and it took a night in a crisis assessment center and six months of alcoholism to finally realize that I NEEDED HELP. Just take meds, I dont like when people don’t want to but expect to get better. It’s a statistical fluke, one in a million to just stop being schizophrenic without taking meds.

I don’t mean to be harsh, but I was in the same place you were and I just ended up hurting myself and becoming an alcoholic. It took a while to patch me up.

I know it sucks to be schizophrenic, but it sucks less to accept psychiatric treatment while having it. It will never just be gone forever, it’s a lifelong thing, but meds can make you so much better, you wont believe how well they can work. I was super nuts and now I am pretty healthy, actually really healthy, except for my cigarette habit. Meds are our only option, and really you should be glad to have them after hearing what they have done for me.