I am a 23 year old man.
I first felt that something was wrong about a year ago when i started drowning in my thoughts. any commonplace activity could drive me into a rollercoaster of ideas such that after a short moment i really did not know where i started.
Also, i started hearing voices but nothing was too serious. Moreover, i was smelling stuff that i could not possibly smell. ei, i would go to my room and smell chocolate even though i was sure and postive there was no chocolate
About a month later, i went to see a doctor and after doing a couple of test of which i forgot the acronymes he diagnosed me with schizophrenia and told me to go see a physician that will prescribe medicine for me but i did not go.
In the beginning of April, I moved out and lived alone for about 2 months during which i would only go out to school where i hardly talked to anybody in any unformal way.
When summer came, i went back home and my family seemed so weird and so did i seem to therm. During my lonely stay, i developped the habit to talking to myself aloud but i really was discussing things with parts of me that i felt were distinct. So, after my mother was showing me how broken was her heart when she saw me this way, i did my best to talk to the voices only quietly though this was flawed as i would spit a couple of words or a grin when one of my parts said something funny or noticed something funny,
i distinguish between 3 voices, or rather parts of me. There is an old voice, that always advices me to do good things and gets angry when i dont, there is also a rather rude young voice that is only about itself and that would always make horrible interventions (for example, i would be thinking about my mom and it would tell bad things about her even though i always loved my mom the most). and last there is Stephanie, the only one that i know by name, she forces me to believe that i am a woman; a lesbian woman and it is all about being soft and feminine, also, it would force me to dress like women at times and as unbelievable as it may seem this started when i was 11 or 12 (only the desire of being a woman and fulfilling this desire as well as i could). Though i have such desire i know that i am a man too and am attracted to girls and have had so many of them but i am also a woman when stephanie takes over.
I am so confused because i realized that maybe i am just a very good liar with a vast imagination, and my family are probably right since they always say that when i “wanted” to i was perfectly normal, maybe i just wanted to be skizo and lied to the doctor and made everything up because i liked the idea of being skizo and especially i liked the fact that my mental abilities have gotten sharper and sharper as i progressed in time. but then again, i surprise myself arguing with myself when people stare at me in the streets, and at times i am really convinced that nothing really exists and maybe this is all the fruit of my imagination or maybe a dream or something.
How can i be sure of wheter i am skizo or not??
Thank you for your time