So afraid of a young tragic death

I guess I wanted my life to be a tragedy

Now I’m middle aged, have a better life than ever but because of such a strong lifelong death wish, looks like I’ll get one… which is so not wanted I want to grow old with my husband
But for it to be a tragedy someone has to die

My chest is weak

Mum said how she had 3 daughters and none of them wanted to live

I don’t get myself or my family

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