Im in a fairly good position right now. Ive quit all my bad habits (except nicotine), my meds are right, i “feel” quite good… but for some reason i find myself interested in too many things. On this forum ive talked about IT, maths, music, accounting, etc… This lack of dedication to a single path has made me stare at the ceiling obsessing over pointless things. Im completely winded yet I just woke up, and yet still feel good, but just dont know what my “calling” is. I fear ive grown to be lazy. I use to study math for 10-20 hours straight for weeks at a time. Now im lost and most definitely have adapted an aversion to ‘hard work’. Can someone offer some wisdom here? Point me in a direction. Idk, maybe ill see about a councillor of some sort.
Hi Repeat, posted my last message before I read yours, we seem to be in a very similar position, though in my case I only ever studied maths for half an hour at most at a time, having had my condition throughout both my undergraduate and post graduate studies. Everything I know I have picked up in fits and bursts, I have always been that way, a butterfly. They say maths is not a spectator sport, but I have always treated it as such, which is why my supervisor always said I should be doing philosophy. I know and understand theories, but can’t prove anything much because my mind always wonders. Basically, I can read but not write. What would you like to chat about if anything, something interesting that stimulates the mind?
I don’t necessarily believe there is a calling.
Some things may interest you, others won’t. Pick an interest and pursue it for a while, see if it leads you anywhere.
@anon99233869 this is actually a good sign, I personally believe this is a rise in serotonin levels for you.
Whatever it is you’re doing, keep doing it, the feeling may come and go but,
When you feel interested in many things at once, some may classify it as ADD but I myself, personally believe it’s just a rise in happiness which is nothing bad.
Dont be scared about doing all those things that come to your mind, even if it’s just eating a little bit off of each plate.
Hope this helps.
Thanks @anon57786250 for this unexpected reply. It didn’t even occur to me that something might ever improve, so im quite happy to read what you said. Ill try to stop being such a pessimist. Scared and anxious as if my illness was the end of it all.
Im on abilify, escitalopram, and dexedrine. Guess it just took a while for things to kick in.
Tbh I very much miss normal socializing. I hope I’m not too much of a joke on here. I think I remember a time where I was mentally capable. I created a fantasy world, call it sz, and that way I didnt have to accept that Im less than in regards to intelligence, particularly anything emotional.
Sometimes you just have to take whatever path works at the time. I was a chef until I was badly injured and could no longer do it. Wound up working with computers until I burned out. Drove truck and bus for a bit. Now I’m in insurance and doing okay. Photography, video and DJing on the side? You bet. Nothing wrong with having more than one skill in the bag.
I have the down syndrome heart line on my left hand. Only 2% of people with it dont have down syndrome. So i might have down syndrome. It will be obvious to every one but me which category I fall into.
I wake up sometimes though. Just so people know. I see what you see, though in likely a more primitive way, but still -I can comprehend it a little.
In this situation it is better to follow some family member’s or love one advice about our self. Our own ambition were all dead as we became SZ patients.
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