Sick of attracting guys attention


#22

That wouldn’t work.
If someone identifies as female, they’re female to me. If someone identifies as male, they’re male to me.

@anon20318121 I’m not allowed to have pets where I live :crying_cat_face:


#23

Maybe be more aggressive/straight forward when you reject them? I know you’ve recently said you wanted to let them down easy and be nice and all, but I’ve found that only makes things worse. It’s a soft landing that leaves windows open instead of doors. Be direct. Tell them to ■■■■ off with that nonsense.


#24

attractive

big boobs

long hair

Why do guys like me??!!!

(Er…I think you’re having some first world problems here) :wink:


#25

It’s not you @Berru this happens to pretty much all women. Most times men and women can’t just be friends it often will turn into something else. I know lots of sarcastic, funny women who aren’t into make up or hollywood but like video games, jokes, going out and have interesting hobbies or jobs. If I’m not looking for romance I hang out with women, learned my lesson. If you insist on hanging out with guys then tell them you find them unattractive or you are asexual and their advances repulse you. Many might stop the friendship, at least you will know the intent and not waste either of your’s time anymore.


#26

Yeah, being nice to lonely, shy guys can backfire big time. That’s what the bitch shield is for. As seen being performed expertly by a viking woman here at the beginning of the video:

I should know having been a lonely shy guy. I’ve since given up so nobody has anything to fear from me. It’s cool, but I wouldn’t take it too personally when these guys show their intentions. They weren’t interested in making a friend, so you can move onto the next person.


#27

IDK about the answer to your question, but trying to touch/poke a woman’s breasts when there is no relationship is way out there in terms of behavior. I wouldn’t do that on my worst day.


#28

If I’d be with you and also would start flirting with you like the others tend to do, then maybe you’re just too hot.


#29

The sad thing is, I think most of them do need friends, they just think a girlfriend will satisfy their loneliness better.
How can someone successfully have a girlfriend if they can’t even manage friendly relationships?
I think many of them are confusing “I’m starting to feel close to this person and would like to get to know them better” with “I am feeling close to this person and romantic relations is naturally the next step”


#30

You may have a point. I’ve given even guys false positives because I lean on their friendship too much and end up driving even them away in the past. It’s taken a lot of failures to learn not to be dependent on people for emotional support.

Also, something you might want to look into, or maybe it’s just a nothing out of my imagination: A lot of girls I’d otherwise have been attracted to, had this perfected technique of friendzone face, that translates to ‘awwww, but I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole.’ Allows them to be friendly without the risk of inviting flirts.


#31

I’m so depressed tonight


#32

Well if they think of you as just one of the guys to cut up with, telling them you don’t find them attractive or you are asexual won’t matter to them @Berru because those things wouldn’t matter to just a friend. But if you believe they want a girlfriend then it’s kind of unkind to let them think they have a chance with you when they could look elsewhere for a girl who wants a boyfriend. I learned my lesson recently. A guy asked for my number, said he was purely looking for a female friend ( I had lost my husband 6 months before that) so I was so happy to think I could have a male companion without romance. Well within 3 months the flirting started and then later became blatant passes, by then I had attached as a friend. Ended up in a romance I wasn’t ready for, it ended. He said can we just be friends again, foolishly I said yes, within a month flirting started. I blocked him.


#33

But I’m not trying to lead them on. I’m not trying to make them think I want a relationship or anything like that.
I’m just trying to be friendly, and I don’t want to be unkind or rude or ignore somebody just because there might be a risk of them developing feelings for me.


#34

Was just trying to let you know it’s not you @Berru, it’s not because you have big boobs or long hair, I’m older and ill and not as beautiful as I used to be and still it happened to me. Just saying set boundaries and let the chips fly, no “friend” should be poking your boob. Stick up for yourself. My female friends are so funny and good companions too.


#35

Women lean on their support circle, other women and men for support and advice and friendship and are more emotionally open.

Men however don’t open up to their friends but they do with their wives or girlfriends, so when a woman that is a friend opens up to them and expects emotional support, they get their wires all crossed because they don’t realise women have support groups rather than just leaning on a partner


#36

I want to give you some support here.

It’s perfectly reasonable of you to want friendship and not want to have sex with every guy you are nice to.

Unfortunately, many, if not most, guys will think that you are hitting on them if you are remotely pleasant.

I suggest that you wear an engagement ring, unless you are looking to date.

Also hang out with gay men.

Women are more complicated and this can make relationships with them harder, but if you can find a female friend, those friendships can be very rewarding.


#37

That’s a great idea. Lots of straight women go to gay bars for that reason.


#38

Gay people are pretty nice usually. I’ve heard that going to gay bars is good for men too. People there are primarily looking for companionship before someone to hook up with. Just to have fun.


#39

That’s really good advice @twinklestars. Although in all honesty the guy I ended up in this romance with knew me, knew my husband recently passed away and I was wearing my engagement/wedding ring and my husband’s wedding ring. He assured me he just wanted a female friend and knew I wasn’t ready for romance but liked the idea of a male friend with a male point of view. I thought he just wanted a female companion with a female’s point of view. I was so naive. I still don’t know if he took advantage of the situation I was in (premeditated) or things just happened because of sharing emotionally over the course of time. I just decided for now if I want friendship I stick with women if I want romance then men are ok, maybe I’m temporarily jaded. lol. So for now I say set boundaries and still watch for signs. Poking or touching your boob sounds like a pass to me, not friendly or interested in your best interests @Berru. It’s complicated when men and women share feelings, close friends of the opposite sex can get tricky just don’t be naive like I was.


#40

I had the same problems when I was a young woman. And I had a flat chest. Just wait a while. It all ends once you’re post menopausal.


#41

Yeah wearing a ring is not 100% effective.

Personally if someone poked me in the boob I would poke them in the eye.

And I’m fairly pacifistic.