Thank you for your support.
I know that a lot of you have commented on the physical health thread. I can’t get to them right now. I’m in a state of shock and it will take me a while to get back to you.
I feel like I don’t exist. Or at least not for myself.
I feel invalidated and manipulated.
I feel like I am trash.
I am shutting down my emotions and going to supress them for the sake of my family’s rules. I will purposely use flat effect as much as I can to supress sadness and anger down. Please know that I still love you all.
My mom hates me when I cry so I don’t cry. This is the rule in my house for me to obey.
I’m still here, by the way. I’m going to be very flat but not because of sz. But on purpose.
It’ll take some time to cool down.
Talk to you soon.
Either these emotions kill me, or my dilated cardiomyopathy kill me, or I survive. It depends on me and I must choose one of the three.
Thanks.