I want to move so I will have more independence . My sister controls somewhat how I live my life sometimes what I eat and how I spend my money. I wish she would be more lax but she is pretty strict sometimes. She also has quite a temper. I think it will be better if I move out. At least she won’t get as mad at me. She thinks I am messy and that I am a shopaholic. She deleted most of my friends contacts and canceled my Facebook account. I don’t understand why I don’t see them everyday and I don’t think they are using me. I love her but I want a little more freedom.
Have you spoken to her about why she takes these measures? It’s possible she may feel that she is protecting you.
If I ever order anything online my sister makes me return everything unfortunately even if I spend my own money.
Maybe she may feel that she is protecting me but sometimes it is a little too much. I am the older sibling. but she is caring and I care about her.
This really seems like something you both should have a heart to heart about. If you have a therapist or pdoc, bring it up with them. You both obviously care about each other, so it worth a try before making a change as big as moving out.
If you were to move out, do you have an idea of what that might look like? For example, will you live alone or with roommates? And are you able to afford the basics like rent, utilities and food?
I think I would be able to afford the basics, maybe I will live nearby. Thanks @bittercat.
Not a bad idea. If you ever need a few tips about living alone, my inbox is open. I’ve picked up a few tricks in the time I have been doing it. It’s an entirely different experience.
Saw this last night and wanted to post.
I think your sister is being over protective of you. But there are probably good intentions behind her actions, and I think you need to open dialogue with her and try and find a balance.
My understanding from what you wrote is she probably does take really good care of you, but perhaps you are finding some aspects a bit invasive.
I think deleting contacts from your phone and deleting your FB account aren’t acceptable behaviours from someone engaging in a parental/care giver role. A better action would have been to inform you that she doesn’t think those people have you interests at heart and to encourage you to limit your contact with them. I just don’t think its healthy for her to make those decisions on your behalf and act them out, even if she is doing it for good reason.
Similarly, I think some spending/shopping is acceptable. But of course only to a reasonable amount. Some people do lose sight of their spending and go over board and thats probably what shes worried about. Not sure if thats happening here, but a middle ground where you have a certain amount a month that you are allowed to spend seems much fairer than zero.
The way I think you should approach this is try and open dialogue. Don’t get angry or pissy. Try to use “I” statements. “When you do this, I feel __”. I think your sister sounds like a really solid family member and is trying really hard to support you but maybe some of the smaller details could be altered.
i agree with starcrazy.
Did you manage to have a talk with your sister @see121 ?
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