My daughter has always been mentally ill. I knew at age three that something was off. I took her to behavioral health to be evaluated after I found her in the bathroom holding her kitten under the hot water running in the bathroom. They said is was concerning but after evaluating her they only thing they said is she might have ADHD but it was too soon to diagnose because most 3 year olds had attention problems.
It just got worse and more concerning until 3rd grade when she finally was diagnosed with ADHD and we started meds. But none of the ADHD meds did work to help with her concentration or behavioral issues. When she was in 5th grade I asked the school to modify her educational program to accommodate her disability and they did psychological testing on her. When I met with the school psychologist he reluctantly disclosed that she may be a sociopath.
Life at home was a living nightmare with her refusal to follow basic rules and lack of courtesy. She was often violent and disruptive. She was beyond messy and refused to take responsibility for her share of the work. She would sneak out and get in trouble in the community. She would steal cigarettes and give them to other minors. She would steal my tip money. She bullied her brother.
In 7th grade she stole a considerable amount of money from me off one of my credit cards and it wasn’t the first time she had stolen from me and other people. I decided to press charges. She was arrested and brought into the system. Due to her lack of cooperation in rehabilitation and her re-offending she stayed in the system til her 18th birthday. During her time in the system she received various diagnosis like oppositional defiance disorder, bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder in formation. She could never get stable on meds due to lack of cooperation in taking them because of side effects.
She came home at 18 but it was short lived thankfully. She moved in with a boyfriend who eventually became her husband and they had a baby. Now at almost 20 with a 7 month old baby and a husband that refuses to get a job. She’s about a month away from being homeless and she yet again has stolen money from me.
I have no more left to give. I cannot teach someone who will not learn. I have to protect myself and my family from her constant disruptions and disrespect. I have told her she’s no longer welcome in my home. I feel a great sense of loss and I am saddened beyond any sadness I’ve even known. She is angry and keeps sending me horrible messages saying what a horrible mother I’ve been and how I let all these men rape her. And she knows what buttons to push to upset me and she’s pushing them all. I’m trying to tell myself she’s lashing out because I’ve cut her off but it still hurts.
I told her she could come back if she admits what she did and gets into therapy. But I don’t think she can ever admit to it. I think in her mind I owe it to her and she’s justified in taking what she wants when she wants.
I’m sharing this because I would like someone to tell me that I’ve done all I could do to help her and that it’s ok to walk away now. I want someone to tell me it’s ok to to be done being in that toxic relationship. I want someone to say I did the best I could and I can stop feeling guilty now. I really need to hear that now.