Schizophrenia.com

Selective fear. Rambling aimlessly. Fear is funny

#1

I didn’t know what else to title it. I think a lot of people know Jamesgirl. A year or two ago she posted on the old forums about fear. And I answered something about “Don’t be afraid of everything because you are afraid of one thing”. It’s hard to explain but I will use myself as an example. I am afraid of MANY things. I’m afraid to go out on my tiny porch to sweep because a neighbor might be out there and I don’t necessarily want them to see me. I am basically a shy person at heart but i can’t give into that fact because being an adult means there are certain responsibilities I have to do. I don’t have the luxury of being shy sometimes, for instance going into a packed room at Social Security by myself to report an overpayment or underpayment or whatever.I could NEVER in a million years have done this when I was a kid. But I HAVE to do it. Necessity is the mother of invention.I do what I have to do. In the early nineties I lived in a group home for five years,1990 to 1995. It was in one of the worst neighborhoods in the city, almost a ghetto, my street was infamous for drug dealing and drug busts. around the block I used to see hookers. people would stare at us as we walked by. No hard feelings here, I got used to it. And at least once a month the police helicopters would fly low overhead sweeping the entire area with spotlights chasing some criminal, and blaring warnings on loudspeakers for someone to surrender or stop running. I had seriously started going to AA when I first moved in. The meetings were a few miles away and I usually took the bus or walked. But occasionally at the end of a meeting I would ask a friendly member to give me a ride home.They would ask, “What street do you live on”? I would say, “Peach Court” And they would OFTEN say, 'Yeah l, I know that street, I used to score my drugs there. A lot of addicts in meetings knew my street. It was actually a weird discovery when people told me they knew my street. Anyway, to get to the bus stop I had to walk the length of my street , down a main drag and across the street to the bus stop. I would leave at 6:00 pm, the meeting would run from 7:00 pm to 8:pm and i would be walking home ALONE at 9:00 or 10:00p m at night. In FIVE years, no one bugged me. I was a white guy in the worst part of town. When I got to my street there would be crowds of partiers in front of houses as I walked by and they often spilled out into the street. They stared but that was it. For five years this went on.I don’t know how I did it. NOW I’m afraid to go downstairs to get my mail!! Fear is a funny thing. !0:00 pm at night : walking alone in the worst part of town…vs… Broad daylight in one of the safest cities in the Bay Area: afraid to walk a hundred feet to get my mail, through senior citizens.Bizarre.
I am afraid to walk out on my fenced in porch to sweep. Yet I drive on the freeway three times a week to my job!!! And work 7 hours amongst young, strapping, intimidating soldiers. My point is this: just because you are afraid to do one thing or go somewhere doesn’t mean you have to give up on going EVERYWHERE. If I used logic I would never go anywhere. But I go to the dentist by myself, I used to drive 2 1/2 hours to visit my dad in Sacramento. Yet, I was afraid to drive through McDonald’s! Be selective about your fears. Don’t let one fear translate into never ending pattern of fear of EVERYTHING. Is this post obvious or common sense I wonder to everybody? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill out of what everybody else knows already?

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#2

have you read rd laing the devided self? good bit on self conciousness in there.
i want to be invisable too.

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#3

If you drove up I80 then you went right through my town.

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#4

Makes sense to me. Some things you HAVE to do-so you just do them without thinking about it. I put off so many things, but I go to work everyday because I have to…I really do not like my job-but I HAVE to have the money. Hope I made sense*****

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#5

Yeah, I went up I-80.

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#6

I think fear is irrational. It can be tamed in some cases and in similar circumstances it can run amok. Walking through a “bad” part of town yet not wanting to be seen by the neighbors, makes sense to me.

I can walk through the rougher part of Seattle and I have no fear of the homeless camps. But I pull my coat up and walk quick through the rich dist because of my negative interactions with the gated community type.

I like this post, it reminds me that fear is fickle and does what it pleases.

I am battling back a double dose of fear right now. I am trying to be brave about a situation that is coming. I’m not sure how I will be brave yet, but I really want to be. I was feeling low for not being brave. But this post reminded me, fear does what it wants despite what has happened in a previous situation.

Thank you for letting me post.

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#7

Well whatever the situation is, I hope you handle it OK. My life is situation after situation. Bravery combined with intelligence can go a long way. And you have both. Good luck.

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#8

**Sometimes fear is trying to tell you something. Maybe you are not ready to deal with the situation yet…and you can feel safe in knowing that you will—when YOU are ready.
Hope I`m not sounding to preachy :smile:

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