I’m tired of overachieving and trying hard to keep up with society. I am the “golden child” of the family that has to match neurotypical standards. I want to love others and love my family. But sometimes trying to be neurotypical is so hard. I wish being normal was easier. I want everything to be ok for myself and for my family. But sometimes I’m so drained. I wish I can have more strength but I don’t have very much. Been trying my best to succeed but I’m not that great at it. I wish I wasn’t born like this and sometimes my existence feels like a curse. I feel like it would’ve been best if I wasn’t born at all. Maybe just neurodivergent fatigue.
I’ve managed to pull up 4.11 GPA this semester. I’m trying to pull upto 4.3 to be on top of the class. My parents have been asking for a scholarship so I’m trying to get it, but just out of reach for now. I still have to get multiple certificates to compete in the job field. I hope it works out so that I can make a decent living with my mental illness stable.