Schizophrenic humor


So, a schizophrenic thinks “i know someone is trying to poison me” and then takes another drag off of his cigarette.

After that travesty of humor, an attempt at humor anyway, would anyone have any good schizophrenic jokes?


A man comes into the doctor’s office with a stick of celery in his ear and a carrot in his nose. He says, “Doc, what’s my problem?”

“Well, for one thing, you’re not eating right,.” says the doctor.


A man is talking to his psychiatrist. “Doc, I’m worried. Some days I wake up and feel like a wigwam, and some days I wake up and I feel like a Teepee”.
His doctor says “Don’t worry, you’re just two tents”.


Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I’m a schizophrenic,
And so am I .


Just because you’re paranoid don’t mean they’re not after you.
-Kurt Cobain


You know you’re a schizophrenic when…

you don’t know you’re a schizophrenic.

The end.



You’re either paranoid or their out to get you. Solve that equation.


I have a shirt that says “you’re just. jealous cause the voices don’t talk to you.”


I want this shirt I’d love to get a laugh from my psych dr


You can buy it online, but I just got a plain t-shirt and wrote on it with fabric paints. They look like little squeeze bottles. They have them in the craft area at Walmart or places like Michaels.


I wore it to my support group and this one guy kept cracking up but was trying to hold it in because he was supposed to be being quiet so the people could take turns sharing.


It’s okay, the voices just convinced me that I’m not ill anymore.