Schizophrenia.com

Schizophrenia while pregnant

I’m twenty two and almost twenty three this December. I’m pregnant with my second child who will be full term, I guess I should start with “, it runs in the family”, My mother used to see demons and I had a cousin who was hearing her dead boyfriend… I haven’t had this my entire life so it’s still new and difficult to deal with, when my son was only six months I began hearing voices, they started out as whispers then they turned into loud voices I was hearing my ex and I guess my own voice which was seeming like another females voice then I started hearing what seemed to be the devil, this was all to real for me so I went to churches and the demonic voice would say please don’t let me go or it would start laughing while I prayed, I heard the devil laugh, I heard him say my baby while I held my son and when I prayed for my ex I heard it say you have no idea what we’re capable of don’t you say that name again… I believed it was real at the time because id heard of demonic attack and when I was at church there weren’t any voices… however because I’m pregnant I’ve lowered my medications bc I want the baby to be healthy and normal without birth defects caused by the meds, this morning I had a horrible dream followed by voices and I said a prayer, then I heard it again day don’t say that name again stupid bitch you have no idea what I’m capable of, I heard my exs voice shd said a prayer for him that god would watch over him and protect him, I get that my psychi is hearing him and these voices arent real. So when I heard the devil voice I didn’t get scared I said a prayer for comfort and Just let it go… ive been heading background noises even on medication but my psychiatrist said that was normal…
The devil voice however scared the crud out of me when I first heard it, this morning I wasnt afraid I wasn’t afraid and all it said was stupid bitch and then after I said a prayer for calmness it went away, I know its all in my head because regardless of what people at the church said, these voices say I’m a psychopath and other really mean and negative things. I’ve gotten to the point where I just let them go, I’ve dealt with wicked ugly dreams of dead people and not happy ones one where my grandpa was angry bc everyone took his things and he didn’t want me near his bed and he wasn’t a mean person he was a little greedy but not mean, another I dreamt a baby that had passed away and he was purple just sitting there watching me with his head tilted and that one was hard.
I’ve lived through all this and sometimes I do wish I had the strength to end my life, I was having a dream this morning and in this dream I was seeing my miscarriage and my baby all deformed and I was holding it, in the dream satan said it was his bc I didnt pray to god once and when it happened I didn’t say gods name or anything I just looked at it and felt like ■■■■. I remember just thinking it looked like a fish and I didn’t even cry abt it I just felt dirty. That dream was something that brought me to sadness and to feel bad about it bc I didn’t view that as a baby so it really didn’t affect me with feeling sad or hurt abt it. I woke up feeling sad bc I dreamt I held that baby and it was really deformed and in hell bc I didn’t ask for forgiveness or pray over it or even pray to god for that babies soul. I get that it was only a dream and it wasn’t a baby but that dumb dream just hit and then with hearing those voices I just felt really low and kept saying I wish I was dead.
I’m expecting my second child and I want her to be healthy so I haven’t been taking the full dose of 500mg seroquel I lowered it to 100mg however this morning was really negative, I don’t want to hear devil voices or hear any voices. I want to be normal and I wish I didn’t have to take medication, ive tried eating healthy and working out and even meditation but the pills are the only things keeping me sane, my fear is having this baby with so many problems and not being able to care for her.
However the devil voice didn’t stay like last time it went away so I feel like this time I have more control and I can let that go, It’s funny growing up I used to always say I wish the devil would say something bc then I’d know God was really real, then hearing these voices and have all these things happen I’ve just grown closer to god and meds.
I have issues and ik this whole thing is bc I’m really really psycho or a psychopath and I acknowledge this and know there’s treatment available it may not completely solve the problem but it helps, knowing this does worry me a bit bc I’m only in the first trimester and want to keep my dose low for the baby just while she’s developing her body and brain, I think I’ll start taking medications back up in the second trimester.

Hospital, first. A good mental health team. Communication between your gynecologist and psychiatrist. Then, a church and prayers.

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Yep, @Sarad said what I was going to say. Mental health team, they will know what to do.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

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As far as I know your pregnancy is counting into risky ones. Can you get to see gynecologist every two weeks or so? It will keep you focused on baby’s health and take away some fears you have by watching and controlling her development.

Stick around,
I wish you luck.

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