I probably won’t ever be off meds. i wish i could. I can see it if you have certain symptoms that can be managed without meds. But i hallucinate. Meds are the only things that stop that. I have no desire to risk a psychotic episode to go off meds anymore.
oh that’s right, i used to worry about that, losing my psychoses after age 50 or 60,
forgot about that fact, but hell, I’m 47, turning 48 in a couple of weeks, guess if i weren’t too careful,
this whole river-of-heaven open-topped ferry-ride could be coming to an end;
however, I think I have overcome this dilema,
I am more floridly psychotic these days than ever,
and have learned to push and generate the psychotic mind at will.
in a way i guess it’s true, what’s going away is the lostedness of the delusions -
and it’s transforming in to a willfully created personal religion,
like a line about yoga in the times this weekend said -
mind so lost that the universe came pouring in,
or i used to say that like the drunks who say they drank all night and drank themselves sober,
i think i went so insane i came out on the other side,
i’m certainly gone from consensual reality,
but no longer lost, confused, unhappy, dangerous,
more like bizzrely religious, sort of based on a daoist shamanistic model,
but also a new creation, a new kind of alchemy.
alchemy of logic, alchemy of time, alchemy of mind.
so i think i can use this to overcome losing my psychoses in the next decade.
holding on tight!
The pdocs say i love my delusions way too much!!!
it’s so true !!!
(cause inside the delusions lives the universe, and i am in love with the universe)
rock on brother. i’d rather be in a fantasy and enjoy myself, then miserable in this reality. miss being psychotic…
For me it’s been lifelong, but you can still grow, even though you’re imprisoned.