Over the years I’ve been diagnosed with many mental illnesses. At 10 I experienced social anxiety and was afraid to leave my family. I was too afraid to go to school or attend play dates with friends. I saw a therapist and it subsided. Then it started again with depression when I was 12. I was emotional, cranky, easily set off to anger, and would isolate myself. I began antidepressants around 16 but stuck with nothing because I was uncomfortable taking medication. I went to college and was so crippled by the stress of classes and a social life that I often broke down or sported a guarded, negative attitude when around colleagues. When I faced a family crisis at 20, I began exercising fervently and was exposed to meditation, vegetarianism and the like. I was sort-of functioning, as I always had been in my life. In my early 20s I started getting paranoia and cried constantly. I briefly took more anti depressants. I was depressed and isolated myself, and people started looking at me so strangely. I lost all my friends at this point, if I had not pushed them away already. By 23 I had full blown psychosis, hearing things, creating impending doom in my mind, and sleeping around 1-2 hours a night. My mind was so loud and active. I began taking risperdal. I took this drug for 2+ years despite hating it, because I was sleeping and wasn’t living a life propelled by fear and psychosis. I tried a couple times during these 2 or 3 years to stop risperdal and see if I could sleep and not have loud thoughts in my head and I could not. I experienced loads of mental fog on risperdal, but it did ground me and lessen the psychosis. At 26 I got off risperdal and switched to abilify because my symptoms had subsided. I often have paranoia and psychosis but it is fleeting. I see a therapist twice a week. My diagnosis to date is schizoaffective disorder and bipolar with psychotic features. I don’t sleep all the way through the night so I take trazodone every few days. I exercise daily. I don’t have a job. I shy away from social interaction because of my paranoia and tendency to isolate. I wish I could function as highly as others but I am not one to have a lot of friends or much success in the workplace. Does anyone else have experience or similar symptoms and what are your diagnoses? Do you have any tips? Feedback would be extremely appreciated.
Risperdal is notorious for causing that mental fog. Have you considered your insomnia might be caused by abilify, it is known to cause that.
Your story is similar to mine only you got sick a few years later. Hopefully you will improve in the future, keep growing and developing.
Like you, I have sza, bipolar type. I suffered from paranoia and depression with suicidal ideation for years and years. I also had periodic insomnia. (I worked night shift most of my life). Today, I am paranoia and depression free. My mood is stable and I only have some residual delusions that don’t really bother me or anyone else. It took three simultaneous AP’s to get me where I am today plus an antidepressant.