Schizophrenia.com

Scared to lose


#1

For the last couple of months out of the hospital I have suddenly acquired a very big fear in losing my voices, even though they are awful sometimes. I get angry when the doctor says they have to go away because of what they tell me and whatnot. I am still not on stable meds and I don’t know if I’m really scared to lose them or if they are inserting that thought in my head, if that makes sense.

On a logical side, I understand that they torment me but I don’t act in a logical way anymore. I want to get better, to function better, but at the same time it terrifies me. I have been having the voices for around 10 years.

Sorry for the long rant. Wondering if anyone else is like this.


#2

i had a bad headache almost migrain about three weeks ago, then i lost most of my negative voices ,i still have positive ones !
this sz has been part of me for ever so i understand how you feel, the feeling of being lost without them, but i am pretty happy about the absence of ’ rubbish ’ in my head.
i can still see them just no noise , it is like someone turned the volume to ’ off '.
take care


#3

not if they’re nasty, which mine r. i would love to get rid of them!


#4

All my voices disappeared when I was on flupentixol. It was quiet and empty in my head. It was really scary. It felt like I was alone. I’ve had voices come and go since I was 15 years old.

I now have Abilify. I hear voices. Not many bad ones. But hearing my son scream in panic in the middle of the night I can do without. He does not scream, it’s the voice in my head doing it.

I have a nice voice, Michelle, she could stay. But you can’t chose. Either you have them all or none.


#5

I find my life is a lot better off without them.


#6

I’m one of the few in your boat. Even through meds, some of mine are still with me. I need them. When I was 17 I was given ECT and I had NO voices at all in my head. It really upset me. I was physically ill when my head was so empty and quiet. I couldn’t concentrate over the silence. I lost my balance because it was so quiet up there.

I was lucky that a few of them came back and let me know my brain was still in my head. Not all my voices are negative. Some are sort of funny and neutral.

My doc keeps telling me he could up my dose in a jiffy and all my voices will be obliterated out of my head. I do NOT want that. My meds are working really well for me right now. I don’t want to tamper or up the dose.

I have been through CBT to get a handle on them and not let them hurt me. I use them now as an indicator of a stressful situation. If they start to come out and play rough, I realize I’m going through a stressful time and I back off and work on making them tame again.

Like me, you probably want to be stable, but you don’t need to be “fixed”

Stay strong and find other coping tools so they don’t beat you up.

Good luck. I’m rooting for you.


#7

So y did u change from flupentixol? I would quite happily get rid of my voicesin a thrice given the oopportunity. It would give me such relief. I’ve had them for 13 years and I wouldn’t miss them at all. They r nasty pieces of work and all they want to do is hurt me. I hate them with a passion I cannot describe. It’s not lonely having silence, it’s wonderful. Xxx


#8

I had to say goodbye to my voices. I was only with them for a year and a half, so I still remembered sanity like it was yesterday. I remember the night I entered remission, I just cried and kept saying “It wasn’t real, none of it was real”.

I had this one voice among others, “old me”, the voice of my 17 year old self that was the voice of reason and guidance. I sometimes miss hearing that voice because I really admired who I was before I became mentally ill. I am getting back to 100%, I am sociable, I make A’s, I am into powerlifting for my exercise (my friends are like “how the hell did you just do that” when I workout with them) and my introversion is even fading.

Before schizophrenia I was an ENTJ, a natural leader and sociable and had high standards for myself and others. I led class discussions in AP English and was the president of the environmental club and wanted to be a Naval officer. Now I am an INTJ, the same but introverted, but I am slowly becoming more extroverted and preferring being around people.


#9

Pdoc decided I should have Abilify because I was a zombie and my brain didn’t work. Still feel retarded even with Abilify. I used to be boss for 5 ppl before I got ill. Now I don’t think I could be in a meeting and remember half of it. I can’t come up with new ideas. But it’s much better with Abilify than Flupentixol. But then there’s the thing with the voices.


#10

i only managed two or three days on 5mg of abilify. it made me deeply paranoid and agitated. i’m currently trying haldol. just a test dose of 25mgs atm. on tuesday it goes up to 50mgs, then next month 75mgs, and the month after 100mgs. to b honest i’m not holding out much hope that it will get rid of the voices but i have to try them all anyway.


#11

I"m glad I’m not the only one who can’t really stand a quiet head. I’ve never had a completely quiet head, but I get nervous when some are subdued. Some of the bad voices have really quieted down since I started Latuda but it still isn’t working quite yet.

I have a couple that always talk to me; I’m not sure I could stand losing them.

My doc also said to give it a shot without any voices, that maybe I would function better. But when I thought about it I got very sick and paranoid. I don’t want him to force them out.

I’m currently in the process of CBT. My bad ones also become loud and rowdy during stressful situations.

Excatly, I don’t want to be ‘fixed’. I get really paranoid when doctors talk that way, then my head turns them into enemies ha.

Thank you though, very much.


#12

I’m really glad that it is working out for you. Gives a bit of hope. I had stop college for now since I’m having cognitive issues at the moment. It is really hard to cope with that.

I’m an INTJ haha. At least last time I took that thing. I hope you continue to advance.