On Tuesday we had to put my pet leopard gecko down. I noticed immediately in the hours after we put him down I was hearing really loud and clear voices unlike how my voices have been for a while now. I heard one say “why did you kill him” and it made me start crying. These voices have continued and I barely got any sleep for the first two days after we put him down so I was hoping maybe that was what was causing the loud voices, but I slept fine last night and today I heard a voice say “why don’t you kill yourself” clearly and loudly. My voices can be mean, but I haven’t heard a voice tell me to kill myself in years.
I normally wouldn’t be overly alarmed that I was slipping into a psychotic break over hearing voices that could be caused by stress but I’ve also noticed more paranoid thinking. Today my mom told me she was forgetting things and it popped into my head that it was because of us living in a simulation. I don’t normally ever have thinking related to conspiracy theories like that and it really scared me. Thankfully none of the paranoid thinking has developed into delusions, but I’m scared it will. I’ve never actually had a psychotic break before and I’m scared I’m slowly slipping into one because of the stress of losing my pet. I also keep thinking about my pet’s ghost and him trying to get back at me for killing him. I wouldn’t normally think like that either but I feel like it’s my fault he died because I didn’t take good enough care of him.
Does this sound like the beginning of a psychotic break? Like I said I’ve never had one and I’m really scared I’m going to keep getting closer and closer to having a breakdown.