(•ө•) Say anything! xxxvii 🐧



I’ve got a tattoo written on my shoulder with my pen. It really helps. I wrote the word sad so that I don’t overeat n just accept the sadness of not over eating for the sake of trying to be healthier. Not delude myself in fake happiness from McDonald’s and all that kind of processed high calorie high fat high added sugar food.


I hope y’all are well.

I’ve had my morning coffee; now I’m just smoking cigarettes while I listen to music. I have a lot to do today, but I’m easing into my day, as I normally do.

One thing I might do is go to see my former pooch. I gave her to my ex late last spring. I’ve seen her only once since then, and that was maybe a month after I gave her up.

I would be excited to see her, and I know she would be crazy excited to see me.


I’ve been taking Amyloban 3399 (a potent Lion’s mane extract that has studies showing it can treat refractory schizophrenia) for 3 full days and in the fourth morning I awoke to almost dead silence. I heard a word or two but the mumbling is like 95% muted if I try to concentrate on the voices, and 100% off if I’m reading. Before taking it the voices were like a 3/10, and I would be guaranteed to hear them if I focus, after the 3 days it’s like a 0.3/10, and I can’t even hear them if I try. Good stuff!

It works by increasing the Nerve Growth Factor in the brain, healing potential nerve damage that might be causing symptoms.

One of the studies had a person go from a PANSS score of 62 (moderately ill) to 30 (normal) in 2 weeks, even.

I keep trying new supplements and they seem to work to an extent then plateau once the voices reach a certain volume. This seems to have broken the plateau.

I’d rate it a 9/10, only losing a point for being somewhat expensive ($110 CAD for a month’s supply.)

I’m still taking a max dose of Paliperidone (12 mg) but I’ve been having breakthrough symptoms since I started it months and months ago. That is until now.


Does she get drunk :dizzy_face: often?


My wife is an alcoholic. She drinks nearly every day.


Can you get her into rehab? Sounds like she needs help.


She has been once already. She is not nearly as bad as she used to be.

The first time she went to detox she had nearly drank herself to death. I think detox is like 10 days. She refused to leave. Was in there like a month. She quit for a while but then started again.

She doesn’t want any help.


I rarely touch the stuff considering my grandpa was an alcoholic.


So my husband talked a little with my MIL about her lack of progress last night and she got real defensive,

She said she knows we’re considering putting her in a home.

Then she got real emotional saying she knows what a burden she’s been but that she’s trying and it won’t be like this forever.

I felt bad.

I know she’s not trying as hard as she should be, but I also don’t want her to feel like ■■■■ all the time.

This is so much more than we thought it would be when she moved out here.

Oy vey.



Do you think she might be trying to manipulate you?


I don’t know.


It seemed like she was being pretty honest.


It sounds like emotional manipulation. People always use it when they are cornered. Even “good” people.

Stand firm, even though you may feel bad. You won’t do her favors by giving in. It will just help her go downhill faster

Not to mention hurt your mental health.


That’s good. Maybe MIL has given up on life. Maybe she’s very frustrated.


This is very true.


I know she’s very frustrated with herself and may be starting to give up,

Everyone just wants her to get better, but she’s just not trying hard enough.

Its hard to believe someone could just give up at the age of 64,

She could have a lot of good years left if she worked for them.


The MIL sounds like a cerebral narcissist. These kinds of people live in their head and regard taking care of their body as a pointless chore. They tend to have chronic illnesses from neglect and don’t live as long as regular folk.

It would take a crisis to change her ways, but even that would only be temporary.


so I got to get to the grocery before the snow hits. i’m trying to work up the motivation to go get some stuff. probably frozen pizza and canned chili this week. not really following my diet because I don’t want to drive 15 miles to the good grocery store so i’ll just stay in town. if I ever won the lottery I would buy that grocery here locally and put in a healthier/fresher produce section. anyways it is what it is just not going to eat as healthy this week because of the snow storm.


Been sick a bit, had an ugly cry earlier.

Hidden anger etc. Meds will make it better.

Goes back real far. Hourly rate to learn who you are.


His voice is nice


One thing I like about insomnia is having energy.

Thing I hate about resolving it is feeling like you can’t/don’t want to ever wake up.