Not good…not good. One of my mood swings again. I’ve been obsessing over how at work today I couldn’t remember the tips to tell this one Mom of a student of mine who found out she may be having asthma reactions to the water I learned about swimming with asthma from a past student & teacher. The mom and student really like me and I feel like I let them down. And my other student in that class, she has a serious allergy to peanuts & sometimes we give out chocolate as a treat and I didn’t give her any but sometimes they fall in pool and she’s acted really weird the past couple classes gasping and just not swimming well and it’s the second time I called her parents out because I was concerned but it was nothing. And I feel embarrassed about that even though they were glad I was concerned.
I can’t stop obsessing over these things and other little things I did wrong today or feel I didn’t do well enough. Makes me feel like crap. I’m getting that urge like I want to die again and was saying I just want to die. Father stopped me and said “Why do you want to die?” And I realized I was having another of my mood swings. (I was doing fine earlier…) I have restarted taking depakote though but what if it’s not working anymore? But I’ve also only been back on for a couple weeks. I don’t know. This isn’t right. Or am I feeling this way because my ptsd has been flaring up again lately? Ugh I hate this. I feel like I let the parents of my students down.
summary: I’m obsessing over small things that aren’t really issues and that I shouldn’t feel bad about by any means but I do. Having another mood swing and feeling horrible want to die. Scared because I have been on depakote again for like 2 weeks now that it’s not working. But also my ptsd has been flaring up so could be that. Either way I’m miserable currently.
Oh, I sometimes wish my nurse practitioner hadn’t been so stubborn that she understood the umbrella of autism spectrum disorders so well when she basically disregarded the idea that I could have autism due to sheer eye contact. I heavily fit the criteria for pervasive development disorder NOS but she seemed to ignore that’s even a diagnosis that existed and was simply lumped under the ASD umbrella since it’s considered a disorder but like “ASD-lite.” I certainly need to see someone with more specialized knowledge and experience soon.
I need to see my PCP but her first available appointment isn’t until mid September. I don’t know what to do. I went ahead and made the appointment just in case, but I think I need to find a different doctor that’s more available. Or maybe I’ll just go to urgent care? But that seems excessive for my issue. I just keep throwing up a lot because I’m like, not digesting my food for some reason.
Like, I just threw up and there were bits of my breakfast that I had eaten more than 15 hours ago. This has been happening more and more recently and I don’t know why. It’s making me a bit nervous to eat, though. I don’t want to keep throwing up. Maybe I just need to eat less? Maybe I’ll start switching out a meal for a meal replacement shake.
I had a similar problem for over a year. It turned out to be ptsd-related. I went through every freaking test in the book and they couldn’t find anything wrong.
Take an antacid like omeprazole so you don’t damage your throat and teeth too much.
No, but it did make it hurt less. Kava root tea worked for me. One mug before every meal. But consult a doctor, because it could interact with your meds.
haven’t been on in a while.
I heavily fit the criteria for pervasive development disorder NOS but she seemed to ignore that’s even a diagnosis that existed and was simply lumped under the ASD umbrella since it’s considered a disorder but like “ASD-lite.” I certainly need to see someone with more specialized knowledge and experience soon.
