Thanks @shenzhixian and @LED. I was happy this morning, but then things just got bad. Only one of my kids told me happy Mother’s Day, and I didn’t even get a card. I don’t really deserve one, though. I’m not a very good mom.
Oh hush. You are a good mom. I don’t know you well enough to know how good, but I know you well enough to know you’re not a bad mom.
Why can I not find a therapist?
why do i sit up at night and run over my mental health timeline and symptoms in beautiful eloquent detail with ease but when im plopped in front of a mental health professional my brain goes blank and i forget everything
Class trip tomorrow. Uuugh I hate class trips!
My vape is broken again, and I’m stuck in the bathroom with diarrhea.
Can’t wait for this schoolday to be over so I can get to the vape guy and get my vape fixed
I do this, too. My solution is to write down all my symptoms when I think of them, and then bring that into the therapist/pdoc to show them.
I’ve always thought believing in ghosts was dumb, but I think I believe in ghosts.
Last night (like 2am) I heard a little kid playing and laughing. Mr LED didn’t hear it. I wonder if it was my son coming to visit us. I wanted to wake up baby LED so she could hear his voice, since kids are supposed to be better at hearing them, but Mr LED advised against. I’m torn. I don’t think it was an hallucination. I think it was real and I have a really strong feeling that it was my son.
So I saw the dentist today, and he didn’t take my tooth. I’m actually pretty annoyed that my tooth didn’t get pulled; I wanted to get this over with. Instead he referred me to an oral surgeon.
More than anything I’m annoyed because I already have a sub lined up for my lab today, and I figured on not having to drive to campus at all today. Shitty. I’m thinking about still skipping lab, but I have to go for lecture.
My mom used to find all sorts of signs that my dad was visiting her to let her know she wasn’t alone. I don’t know if she still sees them and just doesn’t talk about it, or if it went away. It brought her a lot of comfort, but also prevented her from moving forward. I guess, if you feel comforted and peaceful at the idea of your son visiting you, and you don’t let it interfere with your responsibilities to the other members of your family, it’s not a bad thing. But yeah, waking up baby LED would be a sign that you’re getting too absorbed in it. Either way, I would mention it to your doctor.
I’m turning over in my head all the possible excuses I could give for not going in to teach at all today. I could say I’m just plain not feeling well, wouldn’t be the first time, far from it. I only get one sick day per semester, might as well get the most out of it. Also, I worry about getting too far ahead in lecture if I don’t cancel at least one lecture per semester. Sigh, I miss working with a grown up textbook, not this ■■■■ they give me to work with now, too flimsy.
I just want to go back to sleep, so tired, but I think I’ll try coffee instead, didn’t have any before my dentist appointment.
Wow ANOTHER bug. I thought that I got rid of them but I was scratching my ear and I pulled my hand back and there was on on my finger. I always thought I could feel something crawling in my hair but could never find it. This confirms it. I might just shave my whole head because I already have a buzz right now. Or at least get a cut so short that they can’t hide.
I’m sorry. Bedbugs are a true nightmare.
I want to throw all my ■■■■ out the window and just sleep in my car.
Falling asleep . sleep is good
I just called the oral surgeon’s office, and they can’t get me in until late July. So shitty. The worst part is that I probably won’t have insurance anymore by that time. I told the lady I’d think it over and call back. I suppose I’ll just call back, make the soonest appointment, and cancel later if necessary. That just caught me by surprise when she told me late July. I hope I can get this taken care of.
I’m not going to eat nothing but soft foods, like I’ve been doing, though. I’m just going to eat normal food, and if more tooth breaks off, ■■■■ it, so be it.
If I sleep then I get eaten.
Yeah, I called off for tonight’s lecture. Well, I sent an email, awaiting a response. I just said I’m not feeling well, didn’t elaborate. Whatever.
I woke my dad up at his apt.he was grouchy. I paced his floor and outside. I can’t take meds in daytime.
skipped my therapy session. i’m pretty much done with him I don’t need therapy. although part of me wants to bring up the issue of lawsuits for all my injustice I went through. I mean they shouldn’t be able to just throw you in jail for failure to identify. I WANT TO SUE!