dadās boat is a piece of junk. heās got it tied off to a tree on the bank. I had to drive the truck with boat trailer while he took his boat from ramp to home. it pissed me off. I hate that he volunteers me for work because heās got nobody to help him. now heās going to want to put his dock in the water and heāll ask me to help him again. I donāt know why it pisses me off so much. I decided im not going to ever have a boat.
Iām still depressed as heck. But I do see the therapist in a few hours so maybe I can hash things out with her. I decided Iām going to be honest about my suicidal thinking. I donāt have a plan but this emotional pain is driving me up the wall.
Iāve been fairly well. I finally went up to the community college to take care of the VA paperwork in regards to dropping that class.
I was worried I would get in trouble because I waited a week to fill out the form, but I told them I dropped it last Monday, and they told me everything is kosher
So thatās all a big relief.
Other than that just been jamming on the olā guitar.
I bought some lifestyle books, a flamingo towel, some beauty products.
I tried on two dresses, each was 49$ Honestly I did not feel like they were worth that much. Zara quality is not very good. I tried a white top I loved a lot but it was 39$ and I have two similar in white. So I just left the shop.
I bought a retexturing and hydrating serum, I am excited to try.
Yesterday I left a message with an assistant at the human resource center about volunteering. Hopefully I hear back soon. If not Iāll call again next week. Might just be busy.
well its been 6 months. got another hearing with the judge tomorrow about my court ordered meds. been on them since feb. 2017 so 16-17 months now. I anticipate the same outcome. my case worker thinks it will be over with but I know better.
the judge is really starting to piss me off. he keeps saying things like āI feel continuing these hearings will be beneficial for mr. boogalooā basically they just keep wasting my time and rescheduling every 6 months. these things wont end until im employed and refuse to skip work to attend one. either that, or I move out of their jurisdiction.
So Iām doing a tad better. I was just thinking that I need to actually start working towards a few goals.
Like getting a poem published. Cutting out the beer. Making wiser financial decisions. Pay down my debt.
The real kicker is that Iām more than capable to accomplish all of those things. Iām used to failure but if I actually succeedā¦now that scares the hell out of me.
The nurses woke me up last night and made me take a pill Iād already taken. Now Iām super drowsy and just wanna get back in bed.
Uuugh but I shouldnāt