Say anything part 2

I can tell that geodon is a seratonin reuptake inhibitor as well because I’m having bladder problems again :disappointed: Whyyy. They aren’t that bad though so I’m tolerating it. I am fairly sure though I can’t raise my dose any higher than this or it will get to that bad level again, so I really hope this dose ends up working for me…I haven’t really noticed any improvement in anything after 1 week…I mean I’m more stable overall but that’s largely because I am sleeping again.

Actually I would say I’ve seen a good deal of improvement in my negative symptoms, but not my positive, which is funky.

In my opinion I have friends yet I don’t .

The woman I agist of I really like.

I think I have friends in spirit too.

But not ones I hang out with in person or call once a week or once a month etc n just chat.

I have some family.
I have my sacred neigher.
I have my boyfriend.
:two_hearts:

I love her as a awesome person so I see her as a friend yet we are not friends as such perhaps.

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Good morning // Bonjour!!!

I am glad to finish a lot of work since early morning :o)

I slept for another 9 hours :thinking:
Gonna have some yoghourt, a banana and then the cough syrup and continue work.

I am doing a whole lot better in comparison to Abilify Injection. let’s see :thinking: I have more determination and energy on Geodon.

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I started yesterday vaping i bought an e cig and i like it :blush:

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Just finished cleaning my closet and organizing. Have 30 minutes of work then gonna go jogging in the heat for 30 minutes

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Darn my jaw clenching.
Baaaa :sheep::ram:

Jogging is good of you.

I have started half hour walks.
Something izzz something.:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes::blush:

Anders used to say our money about his money.
He bought me pizza s.
He was generous.
He was my best friend.

He was so beautiful when he grew that beard n hair.

He once asked "when are we going to get married ".

I felt something someone else in my body then and jealous people may of split us up.
I was not feeling like myself and doing things that was not me.

I have a great boyfriend now.
I actually still want to marry him.i think.:blush:
But I feel people are trying to break us up.
Maybe his friends,family and dogs.
I feel someone in my body that is not me.

I wanted to marry my Anders I had then cause he was my best friend and took care of me and took me for bike rides n taught me to jog and cuddled greatly but their were problems.we had sexual difficulties and he wouldn’t kiss me cause of asthma and alcohol and destructiveness was a problem and i had someone else getting me up to mischief cause I was not myself as such.

My next boyfriend spoke of marrying me in Caribbean but it never happened and we made love but we were not best friends n did not hang out etc.

I sometimes feel that some other people are in my body and some of them are jealous of me and hate me and want me and my boyfriend to break up.

One can be hysterical,intense,furious,controlling,destructive and raging and it is so difficult for me to feel it because it is not me and it is so intense and hateful and malicious to me and nasty.
I understand people would think it demonic or satanic but I am not into that religion or any religion.as such.

About nine years ago I drank a bottle of wine on a empty stomach.
I was drunk then but kept drinking.
I drank spirits after that and I used to be a binge drinker.

I nolonger drink alcohol.

I lost count of how many drinks I had that night but I was so drunk I could not walk and was crawling around behaving like a idiot.
I ended up being a ■■■■.
I did not enjoy it and it wasn’t me as me .
I am so happy I stopped drinking alcohol.
Some men took pictures of me in sex or so.
So tacky and yucky .
I was a thing.

I am very sorry about that night and other nights like it.

Those that know me know me those that don’t don’t.

I’m sorry anyway.
But those that did it probably aint.

When I was a binge drinker I got up to mischief.
I was never a whore but was a ■■■■ with out wanting to be not enjoying it.

I am wanting to be loyal faithful monogamous etc

I nolonger drink alcohol!

I’m sorry for the times I did drink it.

It’s not a beverage for me to drink other than have in cooking.

I was without alcohol for five years sober.
Had a fall back without being a ■■■■ or going out.
Then quit alcohol again and am sober.

:pray:t3::confused::cry::disappointed_relieved:

I am happy with how my boyfriend and I have our finances.

He gets his and I get mine.

We share bills d food and he keeps rest of his n I keep rest of mine.

It’s good.
I think now.

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My mom always has random notes around her house. This one was in the bathroom, and it cracked me up.

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It breaks my :heart:️ heart.

My man seems to cheat on me spiritually.

So disrespectful.

Valentine’s Day I believe his body was with me and his energy was making love to his x.

Now I could see his spirit in the room making out with his friends girlfriend who I suspect might be his x as well cause she has been so jealous of me and attacking me.

So disrespectful to treat me like that.

I am so good to him and that’s how he thanks me.

I want a faithful man not just in body but in spirit too but if that’s the way it’s going to be then my spirit should be sexual with others too.
Thing is others might fall in love with ones spirit then.

And what about our other species …
I used to have a romantic thought that if you are in a relationship then all your species should be together but then again my cat might not want to be with his cat…
His dog is with someone else I think.
N nature etc

I do not know how I can endure his dinners.
I suffer immensely having dinners with people including with my own family.

So maybe I should try give up that romantic thought I once had and expectations of my man.

The woman here always flirts with him and I think it’s a bit tacky to do that infront of his girlfriend like his other female friend who hugged him for over five minutes pressing her tits against him and she was all over him.

Maybe I have others that my spirit can be with them so it works both ways or I be darned.
That’s our business .
Maybe our spirits are with others but it’s not fair on me when I’m alone .

Most important thing is perhaps that his lovewand (d###) does not dip in anyone else or get touched sexually by anyone else and no kissing ,hugging too long ,touching inappropriately etc
Physicaly faithful is something though hey.:blush:

I can not talk to him about it.

Maybe both our spirits can be with others but it’s not fair in me when I’m always alone and he is with others.

I am concerned he has nosy psychos as friends and family that attack etc
I have thought there’s something wrong with them.

But I thought that about people at dance too but they were jealous really.

Darn my jaw clenching.

It was better a few days then we had a dinner and my jaw started clenching and it hurts.
I had to leave the dinner table.

I can’t and I won’t!!!
Do dinners like that.
After half hour I will have to excuse myself.

I will not have dinners for two hours where I suffer so much.

My sacred Anders is well I hope.

Anyway we went grocery shopping today.

A woman went to give me food when it was another woman who took my order.
I actually just saw the food coming at me I did not even see her face.
They commented they do not look so much alike.
I agreed.

I wore high heeled boots shopping.
Lol
I am not good at walking in heels except for s pair of stiletto slip ins I owned in Sweden that fit perfectly I think n were comfortable.

I do not like it when someone or others are in my body and I do not feel like myself.

I get tired easily and can not even do dinners with my own family so I might try explaining this to his people.

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@butterflybrains That looks like duct tape. I guess your mom wanted to make sure the note didnt fall off. :smile:

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Why am I CURSED!! I have literally the most perfect life, the kind of life many people dream of having, but it is RUINED by my stupid BRAIN. It’s almost like some deity was like oh well have to balance this girl’s life out so let’s give her a million mental problems so that she can’t even enjoy the life she has.

Ok so get this. There’s medications that can help with this. Medications that can stabilize my mood, take away my rage and my fear and my sensitivity and bring me peace. B u t they destroy all functions below the waist, orgasm, peeing, pooping, you name it, all messed up, can’t do any of them (or can barely do them) while on the meds.

There’s medications that can help with my paranoia and the horror and the suffering from the demons but guess what?? They come with crippling anxiety to where I can’t stand being in my own skin and want to die, feels like falling off an endless cliff. If I go on ones that don’t bind as much to this receptor they mess me up in other ways, by destabilizing my hormones making me risk cancer, making me pack on pounds, or even giving me the same side effects as antidepressants mentioned above…

I JUST WANT TO BE ON MEDICATION SO I CAN ENJOY MY LIFE. WHY IS IT ALL SO HORRIBLE. THIS MEDICATION IS ■■■■ QUALITY AND SHOULD BE RECALLED. BIG PHARMA IS JUST CHURNING ■■■■ OUT FOR CASH WITHOUT QUALITY CONTROL AND ITS TERRIBLE AND IM ANGRY ABOUT IT.

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When are you seeing your psychiatrist next time Anna?

Maybe you need to change medication if geodon is not working well for/with you.

I am happy we got beautiful groceries today.
Lovely food and drink.
Thank you.:pray:t3:

I’m sorry and apologies for blabbering sometimes.

Kind regards to you guyzzzz.:two_hearts:

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Sup my sweet friend @SacredNeigh7 …i feel fear all the time…i am not stable…

I want to have a free spirit.
I believe it works too.
Maybe my man and I can be with others in spirit.
I’m cool now.:blush:

I do not always feel like myself.
Sometimes someone else or others are in my body that are hateful,hysterical,intense,fanatical and mad etc but it is not me.
So I understand some people think it is demonic or satanic .

I do not think that way though.

And there’s a angry one I have felt that I thought was my real father and he reminds me of a Muslim I knew but I do t think he is Muslim .i think he is funny and nice and loves me but then he is intense and there are others who hate me who I have felt and I do not want to feel them.

I rather feel like myself.

I feel more like myself which is great I think.

I am sorry!

Love yo​:metal:t5::v:t2::two_hearts:!

How are you guys?

Hope you are well and that we all have a place to live and food to eat and kindness etc.

:pray:t3::two_hearts:

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Change my medication to what. Seroquel which will make me fat? Clozapine which will make me fat and a zombie? Vraylar which will give me akathisia? Seriously what am I supposed to switch to. I’ve already tried everything else.

I do not know but your Dr might have suggestions.

I love the colour turquoise.
When I was a child it was my favourite colour for a couple years or so.

I saw a little girl today who was wearing turquoise clothes.
Looked nice with a bit of colour.

I wanted to have children and I have made babies laugh.

I do not feel comfortable around most children and adults now though but it would be different with your own.:blush:

I just had a shower and washed my hair.

I believe there are people who have same or similar sense of humour as me .
I want my spirit to hangout with these willed it be because I do not laugh often.

There are some lovely people around.

:two_hearts:

I seem to have changed my mind about body modification.

I was ethical vegan and wanting to be all natural and even wanted to stop shaving and go ferrel for a while but I am nolonger vegan and nolonger want to be natural as such.

I want tattoos .
I want to shave.
I want to wear makeup and colour my hair and buy fun heels and clothes.

I want to try and improve my physical appearance .

I want silicon tits and I thought the only reason was to please my man but it may well please me too and look n feel gorgeous.

I personally think small titzzz can look great but my boyfriend loves bigger tits and is a boob man.
It matters a lot to him.

I have changed my mind about my body.

I already redid piercing and I got a tattoo of a flower as my first tattoo.

I think I want to care about my physical appearance although no matter how hot you are if ya do not have the aura n energy etc or you are not feeling yourself then it may be of no use?

I have to design right now 4 business cards.

I also have to do some research on Shopify. :thinking:

I HAVE TO WORK…_____________ ARGH

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