An ex contacted me tonight wanting to know how I’m doing. Wishing me happy holidays. I haven’t heard from her in over 4 years.
She was a trip. Married to one guy for insurance purposes, fiancé she lived with, they had 5 kids between them from first marriages, and me as her boyfriend.
Petite, blonde, bi-polar, pill addict, covered in tattoos. She used to gift me drugs after our weekly sober support group. We’d get a hotel in fake names. Sneaking around and keeping it hidden was part of the thrill.
Do others here have ongoing low-level permanent hallucinations? Regardless of state, at base it’s always patterns or undulating walls, small objects shifting, if I look at an object for more than a few seconds it “disseminates”, floor feels tilted sometimes…this is my day to day, for so long that I’ve sort of developed “workarounds”, for things I’m not too sure of. Does anyone have similar experiences?
I mostly suffer from auditory hallucinations. My visual hallucinations are very rare. Usually just shadows out of the corner of my eye that are there for a split second and bright flashes of light that also happen very fast.
Mine aren’t there all the time.
The auditory hallucinations occur more often. Usually later at night when everything is quiet.
Lately I haven’t been getting the auditory so much, except the close sudden word that scares the sh*t out of me. I’m glad to hear yours seem manageable.
For the most part it is. I do get frustrated when the voices are being mean. I have the delusion that I’m under surveillance. It doesn’t get to me as much as it used to. I would feel really paranoid before. Turning off all the lights, disconnecting electronics, feeling the need for complete silence.
The voices lately just become tiresome because there is no off switch. Not all of them bother me. I know it can’t be real it just seems that way.
The voices have been unusually quiet lately, except for crickets and that’s probably tinnitus. The worst for me is occasionally I get a loud voice very close to my ear saying my name or “Hey” or something. Scares the sh*t out of me and puts me in a funk.
The most bothersome voice keeps saying. “That schizophrenic is a pedophile, sir.” I know it isn’t true. It annoys the ■■■■ out of me but I try not to talk back to the voices.
Sometimes I want to tell it, “I’m not a ■■■■■■■ pedophile.” But I think it would sound weird if anybody heard me saying ■■■■ like that.
I’m pretty sure it stems from the guilt I feel about my father but I don’t like thinking about that.
Sad for you, that must be difficult to deal with, voices dragging you down. Extra Seroquel seems to be keeping mine down, we’ll see how long that lasts. You know it’s not true, just keep fighting.
Especially now that he’s older. I’ve started seeing him as a frail old man. What he did was years ago and I don’t condone it for a second but he is my dad and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I used to tell him off and hated him for a long time. Now that I see he’s older I’ve tried to have more compassion for him. I get worried about him passing away. I don’t want my last years with him to be bad.
Yeah, another voice sometimes chimes in and tells that one, “He’s not a pedophile, he’s just schizophrenic.” The insulting voice is incredibly annoying.
It’s like my mind just wants to insult me in the worst way possible.
The thing is those voices are relatively new. It started this week.
Sometimes it sounds like my old flame’s husband is telling her that about me.
Whatever the case it isn’t true. ■■■■■■■ schizophrenia.
Yeah I get the moving walls or I’ll see objects that look like a person or animal. The other day I thought a giant face was being projected on a skyscraper but it was just lights when it I got close enough.
Sometimes objects look way bigger or smaller than normal. Sometimes the floor jumps or drops out on me. Just odd stuff.
Anyway low level perceptual issues with some minor hallucinations ongoing
Thanksgiving should be called the Feast of Pilgrim Stupidity. They set out for the New World with no farm implements and if it hadn’t been for Squanto introducing them to the local Native Americans, they would have starved.
I hope you do, too. You write so eloquently. Maybe you can think of what you would write in response, and sort of “read” it like you’re reading a paragraph. My friends used to say I did that sometimes, that I looked like I was reading a paragraph in the air, not really looking at them.
So I think my AC guy is coming to service the AC on Monday, and my house is a mess. It’s unlikely I will get it cleaned enough before Monday. I am embarrassed. Everything I own (hyperbole, of course) is on my dining room table and my coffee table. I feel like switching the dates just so I have time to clean.
