Sasha + dr appointment

how did ur appointment with the dr go? r u ok? xxx


yes, how did it go? I was thinking of you.

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Sorry i just saw this. It didn’t tag me.

The doc put me on Saphrin (I think that is how it is spelled) and Geodon and upped my Celexa to 80mg. She said if we get positive results and nothing gets worse then she won’t put me in the hospital. I see her again in a week. If I don’t pull things together though I will be committed.

I feel really strange on these meds… sleepy and groggy… kinda drunk feeling and a little dizzy. It has been hard to get going in the morning and I sometimes feel like I am going to fall. Walking and standing are sometimes difficult. But I am back at work today and trying to remember how to do my job and stay motivated to work.

I freaked out and had an episode in her office on Monday and she got to see first hand some of the more bad stuff. K was also there to help narrate and explain things when I was unable to do so. The doc gave K a list of numbers to call and symptoms to look out for. If i start showing some of them or I get worse she is to call this place that will come out to my house and “help”.


Wow, it is really amazing that K was allowed to be there and be part of the recovery plan and be treated with respect and given some information.

There have been times when my OWN parents were given the freeze out. I’ve had therapist treat my own sis like ignorant dirt and not even respond to her questions.

This sounds like a very good doctor… to take your feelings and your partners information into consideration.


Well i wasn’t violent and didn’t hurt anyone. And the doctor would not have got much information out of me if K had not been there. Also K was able to calm me down when I started loosing it. The doctor would have had a hard time doing that too.

But I am really glad they let K be there. I know if i get committed they won’t let her be there and I will have to do all of this on my own… which i feel would make things worse because I don’t always have the best time communicating face to face.

You could get the paperwork in place to have K included in your treatment plan.

I had to sign releases to let my therapist talk to my doc and let everyone talk to my sis and my parents. That way, when my wheels fall off, everyone can talk as freely as they can without all the HIPPA red tape making life harder then need be.

It might be something you want to look into very soon… so you can have K there with you if you need. They can at least tell her how your doing.


I hope the meds help you feel better soon!

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I think i signed those papers but I am not sure. They asked me a bunch of questions and gave me a bunch of papers I had to sign, I am not sure what all of them did.

Thank you very much. I hope so too. I hope I can still paint on these meds… I will seriously cry if i am not able to do my art.

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Coffee, sasha. Strong coffee. I buy starbucks sumatra grounds and make my own extra strength coffee to function in the mornings, and drink a double dose of preworkout for training, I recently started a bodybuilding program, I got sick of powerlifting and it was dangerous lifting that much weight.

I was a bit stunted in every way when I first got on meds. Your body is in shock, antipsychotics are the most heavy duty psychiatric medications out there and seriously, to be honest, I have studied how they work, and I conclude that they **** the brain back into shape. If they are making you tired, dizzy, drunk feeling, you are in the most excellent of company, @sasha! I reported the exact same things, I got used to them, by body got used to them, and I learned to drink coffee strong enough to fuel a truck. I did have to take a few days off of school because I was so sedated, but I got used to it very quickly and figured out how to brew coffee really well and now know that it takes 4 scoops of grounds per 12oz of water to make a 230mg caffeine cup of coffee. I just had one, woke up an hour ago, and here I am feeling perky enough to ramble like I always do :smile:

Since I am on Geodon, have been on it for over a year, do message me if you have any questions, I have been on all sorts of doses of it and different combinations, I settled on propanolol and xanax for anxiety and akathisia (restless leg) and 60mg Geodon with breakfast and dinner. Total of 120mg every 24 hours.

You might take a while to get your creativity back up. Try caffeine, not tea, no, Im talking medicated schizophrenic amounts of caffeine, like a huge coffee or a monster energy drink or a super sized redbull, you know what I mean. I did experience some stunted creativity at first, then quickly got in the swing of life on meds, drank my strong ass coffee and drew some more stuff, slightly less disturbing stuff but still something you would say Maurice would draw just by looking at it.

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All i can think about is cutting… i am waiting for the lock to turn 5pm at work so i can go in the parking lot and cut my wrists… how f’ed up is that? al;ksdjf;lkajsd;lfkjasd;lfkj i can’t even think straight … just cut cut cut cut cut is all that is going through my mind… asdlfj;alksdjf

DONT CUT…THATS BAD if you want to stay clear of the hospital, do anything but cut. Anything but self harm.


a;lskdjf;lkasjdf;lkjasdl;fjasld;kfj god what the hell is wrong with me…

i am up and downs today… up i feel like i want to kill myself and self harm… down i feel sleepy and groggy…

up and down and up and down and up and down

How much of both drugs are you on?

i don’t remember… they are not with me

80mg of celexa i remember that

Hmm they started me off on baby doses that didnt really work. It was when they put me on effective doses that I was all sleepy and drunk feeling. less than 80mg daily of Geodon wont work. I think Saphris’s effective dose is 15mg? Not sure, I have a friend on it and I think that is what he is on.

I think the saphrin or whatever is at 5mg? i keep seeing 5 in my head

they keep yelling at me how I am going to die … over… and over… and over… detailed medical plans that I don’t even fully understand… like exact measurements of where cuts need to be and how long and what meds to take and how much water and … why… i don’t want to hear this… i am trying to do my job and go on about my day but … argh…

80mg of celexa…you shouldnt feel like cutting on that. Maybe your cutting is compulsive and not depressive…this is getting a little too complex for me, I am no doctor. But yeah, please do anything but cut. I mean anything other than self harm is OK. Go buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke a couple, that will chill you out, then throw the rest away so you dont get addicted. Just anything but self harm, self harm will land you in the hospital and make life worse. You will still want to cut and you will be living with truly insane people, you are psychotic but sane, there is a difference.

You do not want to go to the mental hospital. I mean really, do anything but cut. Getting drunk would be a better option. Self harm has a good chance of putting you in a very bad place, so avoid it at all costs.

You have a mission here- dont cut and take the meds as prescribed. You can do this! Just look at how far you have come and dont let it all be in vain. That is one of my coping strategies.

Do message me if you need to talk or have med questions. I would be very happy to give you advice as someone who has made it past the stage in recovery you just entered and as someone who is on a lot of Geodon. Remember, you are going to get better, recovery is what you are doing. Dont take three steps forwards and then fall on the floor and roll backwards. Just put one foot in front of the other, take the right steps and dont deviate from the path of recovery.

That means taking the meds, not cutting at all costs, and knowing that if you keep doing what you are supposed to do, you WILL get better.

Seriously, one day you will wake up, casually eat breakfast and pop your meds with breakfast like its nothing, then drink a strong coffee and have a self-harm and psychosis-free day that will repeat itself. This can all be behind you in a matter of months. I used to think I was just â– â– â– â– â– â–  and now I speak about psychosis in the past tense.


I don’t hzve the money for smokes right now…, but i and thanke you for speaking. a;lsdkjf;laksjdf;alksdjf;klaj

argh…thining…my head

Your’e still having some psychosis, that is normal because they usually dont put people on effective doses of meds on the first day unless you are acutely out of control and committed in a hospital. You obviously arent, so they are giving you the humane treatment of gradually starting you on meds. I assume they precribed 40mg of Geodon a day (20mg with breakfast and dinner) and 5mg of Saphris. 80mg of celexa is not a starter dose. That should be doing something to your brain. I was on 40mg in my teens and felt improvement.

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