So Treatment 6 and 7 , no change felt pretty low id say a 3/10 for mood. blank mind feeling.
Treatment 8 I felt better for about 10 minutes after the session then went right back down to like a 2/10
Treatment 9 today - Halfway through the treatment I noticed a definite change mood felt up to 6 or 7/10 which I would say is fairly close to normal. I was able to have good focus and attention to calmly read an info paper on the bulletin board.
After outside everything looked nice and I could just appreciate my surroundings, music sounded good.
I didnāt feel manic or anything.
Then about 40 mins after treatment I felt it coming back down, then about 1hr 20min later Im back down to about a 4/10.
So Iād say its starting to work. Slowly slowly.
I am very skeptical about most treatments / meds etc. I actually was giving up hope on this treatment yesterday but then out of nowhere it totally felt different for the better today.
Day 10 treatment,
didnt notice anything till about 1.5 hrs after the treatment now its a very noticeable difference , i feel energized and decent mood. Ill see how long it lasts this time.
Had a medical appointment today with the psychiatrist at the rtms center. He said that from what I told him about the short lived periods of lifted mood/well being on treatments 9 and 10 that it is indication that I do respond to rtms and should definitely continue the treatment.
So thats good news
cant say i feel good today though, its a bit of a rollercoaster
Treatment 13
I had low expectations going into this one because I felt pretty low yesterday.
But woah was I surprised, I definitely got lifted up and I just felt powerful emotions of hope. I had tears of joy for like 20 minutes after. I almost never cry but this was because I was so happy that this is actually working.
I feel good today more than an hour after and I still feel good.
0 signs of mania or psychosis just good well being.
So itās definitely starting to work. Iām sure there will be more ups and downs in the process.
I couldnāt believe it, I really gave up hope a long time ago so this is a good sign.
Treatment 14 and 15 didnāt really notice anything felt a bit low from Thursday to Sunday then Sunday afternoon I felt better.
This morning when I woke up I felt way better then later got treatment 16 today.
I feel lifted how I felt when I had treatment 13.
So the improvements continue
0 signs of mania or psychosis right now. So Iād say for me personally it doesnāt seem like it will trigger mania but I am keeping a close watch on it as well as the pdoc.
I was previously on some medication but I am off all meds at this time as I want to know if it is rTMS specifically that is affecting me. Im not even having caffeine or anything.
My pdoc is ok with this but gave me some risperidone Incase I have mania to slow me down then come in and see her, and I still have lamictal if I decide I need that with the rTMS.
A couple things Iāve noticed not sure if itās correlated.
I donāt have any cravings to abuse substances.
Usually Iād feel like that because I felt hopeless and just wanted the feeling to go away so I had a craving to drink or smoke or get high on something.
My sex drive seems a bit up so I do watch porn lol but I think thatās pretty normal. Iād see it as more of a habit than a substance.
I had a coffee or energy drink occasionally on days where I felt the treatment wasnāt doing much to get myself moving.
The energy I felt from caffeine is a much more nervous frantic energy opposed to the calm focused wakefulness I feel when the treatment has been working.
So on the weekend I got pretty low on the saturday night , brain just went randomly to suicidal thinking it was ugly. Ive experienced that before though so i was able to distract/ignore till i got to sleep.
monday to wednesday didnt notice much was still pretty low.
Thursday I woke up feeling better and then after treatment felt better all day.
Friday woke up feeling good again and after treatment all good again today.
man such a rollercoaster this treatment is.
I asked my gf if she noticed any difference in me since i started the treatment and she said absolutely I have improved.
i find i tend to forget about any improvments when i drop back down because those days it feels like as if i never did any treatment. but then i go back to feeling good. its very disorienting going through that. and it doesnt feel like when i cycled from hypomania to depression in the past. it just feels like going from really low to a close to normal state.
here is a nice owl 
