Revealing my biggest delusion

Ok, I’m going to try to keep it short. I’ve never shared this delusion before except with my therapist who practically joked about it. She called them fairies and I was like no bitch. They’re angels. Anyways, heres my story…

It started when I was 4. I remember seeing these little angels around me. There were 2 main angels. They didn’t have a name but I could tell one was the mentor of the other. (The Elder) They didn’t talk because I didn’t know how to communicate with them at the time. They just showed up randomly. However, I didn’t question it. They were friendly.

When my mom left at age 5, I was confused but the angels guided me from then on. No longer being only 2 angels, I had hundreds of them. I didn’t feel lonely at all.

As I grew, the delusion became stronger. At age 10, I thought I was the chosen one from God. The angels were there to guide and prepare me for (oh gosh this is getting embarrassing lmao) battles. So I had visions of me battling other demons and such.

My mental illness struck when I entered middle school (depression, anxiety, anorexia, etc) Everything spiraled so quickly. I developed a new character called “Darkness”.

High school came and I was still stuck with the angels. Though they weren’t as strong as before because i was consumed by the Darkness. Both the angels and darkness fought wars inside my head until I finally had my psychotic break in 2016.

When I told my psychiatrist about the voices and the angels and the war, I was given the diagnosis of schizoaffective. My therapist and I were surprised because we thought I only had bipolar. But since I never shared thie delusions/voices with anyone, they didn’t know.

Today, I can still picture the angels but they are no longer with me as before. I can occasionally call them but I just don’t feel the connection anymore. I would lie to you if I said I didn’t miss the angels. They were all I had to guide me. But…my therapist said that it was my turn to control my life. I no longer ask them to make the decisions in my life. I no longer see them. I no longer believe I’m the chosen one from God. I’m just me. Trying to become an astrophysicist one day.

It’s been a long journey but if it wasn’t for my meds, I don’t know how further this delusion would’ve gone. Thank you for reading :heart:

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Sounds good! Astrophysics? Physics is generally considered a very difficult subject (at least at the collegiate level). Good luck, though!

hey @Sunshine what’s ur diagnosis now…i guess ur bipoar …u fuctiona well at this time…QQQ
check out this song plz… .{ sunshine}

i can call u my baby girl u can call me ur baby girl…!!!
Maybe we can spent some time my sunshine …!!!

Ahh, it’s very difficult but that’s why I love it!
Thank you :slight_smile:

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It says the uploader hasn’t made it available in my country :sob:

I’m still schizoaffective along with my other formal diagnoses. I hope one day I can manage all of them :slight_smile:

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I remember taking 2 different basic Astronomy classes when I was in College. Fascinating stuff. It looked like the Astronomy teachers that taught those courses typically taught the advanced Astrophysics courses. I admit I failed an Engineering Physics course. I also admit I didn’t focus very well that semester.

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Did manage a C on the Physics Lab, though. Only 1 credit but every credit counts.

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Damn right!
What are you planning to do now? :thinking:

Well, that was a long time ago. Don’t really have plans anymore. I’m just happy to be stable on meds and financially stable on disability.

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You sound like you have fought hard to take control of your life and come a long way, it must have been hard to let them go, but I think you’ve been really brave in doing so. I wish you the very best of luck for your future, that’s a fascinating subject to study.

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Well it is good that you had nice hallucinations like that. I don’t really have nice hallucinations so I am super med compliant. Also good luck with the astrophysics. I got a masters in physics and some of the people I knew went on to try and get their phds in astrophysics. It is grueling. Make sure your mathematics skill are up to snuff. I believe you can do it.

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