A month ago I wasn’t adjusted to the 1mg of risperidone and started feeling mania again. I felt amazing I felt like I wanted to pass on the positive vibes I had on others, than I took my carbamazepine and that feeling went away. This made me remember that mania was my best friend and my worst enemy for years, and that it’s so unfair that everything would end as a mess if I ever had it again. I’m not going to trigger it of course that would be way too stupid, i’m stable but I just feel like i’m just there? I just remember the memories I had with my mania some good some bad. Anyone feels this way?
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Yeah mania has its upsides but it has major downside most people with mania do stuff that’s embarrassing like for me one time I was so grandiose I thought I could cure cancer and thought I could stop crime all over the world and then the cops came and took me to the hospital also another time I thought I could make a coffee company that would become “bigger than Starbucks” so I bought a 3 thousand dollar coffee machine and lots of coffee through Amazon and luckily was able to return it and the world felt magical but it almost ended my life by accident running into traffic and I have these memories for life but now I try to not induce mania I take my meds
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I had huge blackouts during the first episode that almost killed me. Apparently I was talking with the psychologist at my job but I have no memory of that and I did other stuff I can’t remember, I’m also pretty sure the reason my family decided to take me to the hospital was because I said some erotomanic gibberish.
I was diagnosed with mania as well even thou It did not felt like mania, I just had lots of energy and positive beliefs, but not all of them down to reality. I did some amazibg jobs since I had lots of energy. Meds took it all away and I miss that. I feel powerless, first physical and mentaly.
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