Relationship advice

So my girlfriend of 3 years I recently discovered had taken plan B without telling me (emergency contraceptive). She is already on the pill and takes it religiously (everyday exactly at 5), she claims she forgot to take her regular pill, we had sex, and she took plan B just in case.

I found this out through a conversation with her best friend dating back to the time she took it (2 days after NYE) where she was telling her she was scared and she was 5 days late on her period. Several conversations went on like this for about a month prior.

I called my gf out on it and said why didn’t you tell me, her reason was, over and over again, because “I didn’t want you to be worried” which I definitely wouldn’t be about this kind of thing at all. When I insisted that explanation made no sense, she called her friend who explained her hiding it as “just a personal thing”.

I think she did cheat based on the fact that her friend would have a good reason to give as to why she was hiding it from me. Or at least her girl friend would know the reason and have a similar answer to my girlfriend since they talked about it for a month.

My girlfriend keeps insisting that she thought I would be worried and thats why she lied, but she understands it was wrong to lie and keeps insisting I should stop asking about it, or that I’m crazy and ridiculous for asking about it. What possible reason could she have to hide this from me other than she’s afraid of my reaction (I believe was unlikely) or that she cheated?

If she was on the pill, the only reason she would have for taking plan B was if she forgot her pill. Even if she had cheated, she wouldn’t need to take plan B unless she had forgotten her birth control.

Am I thinking clearly?

It doesn’t sound like you are, based on your post. You should talk to your girlfriend.

No I know that’s given, my concern is that she didn’t tell, and actively hid she took plan B. She did forget to take her pill but could’ve been the day of, could’ve been the day after. Why would she hide something like this from me and tell her friend instead? Is that a valid question?

I personally wouldn’t consider it any news-worthy event to take a backup birth control method. I would figure it was my error, I fixed it, end of story.

Like she admitted she lied about taking plan B, reasonably questionable?

Ik you said end of story… but lying to her bf of three years about taking emergency contraceptive, around the time when we were in Atlantic City drinking… seems at least a little bit strange? Especially since her and her friend can’t came up w a good reason why she hid and lied?

I know this isn’t too clear I’m a little distressed about it

I think you are being really unfair to her. There would be no reason for her to tell you she took plan B. It is such an unimportant part of being a woman. You mess up your birth control, you take plan B. She didn’t lie about taking it. She just didn’t tell you. Because, quite frankly, she probably knew you would react like this.

I’m reacting so emotionally because I found out months later through texts with her friend. You’re right it was responsible to take emergency contraceptive, I would’ve absolutely approved if I knew at the time. But she did actively hide it from me, which I find unusual. Her period was 5 days late in one conversation, thats usually when you take a pregnancy test. She had a pregnancy scare and didnt tell me

I agree with @ninjastar. You’re being unreasonable. To be honest, it’s no e of your business unless she ended up pregnant and wanted your advice on abortion or keeping the pregnancy. Her body, her rules.

And based on how you are reaching for shadowy, bad behavior answers, I’d say she has reason to hide.

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Her and her friend who phoned in both agreed it wasn’t okay to lie about it. That’s been settled. I know @ninjastar is a powerful figure around here but I’d like to have some really unbiased honest opinions. This is something she would normally share. Ex gfs have taken plan b several times, none of them hid it

Her body her rules whatever, but why keep a secret when you normally wouldn’t. She agrees 100% she should’ve told me and that’s all she’ll say about it

My therapist also said she should’ve told me and that secrets are unhealthy in relationships this long. What possible reason could she have to lie if she admits I have a right to know about it in retrospect?

It isn’t your business. It just isn’t. I know that men like to think they deserve to know all things that their women do, but really in a truly balanced relationship you know when some things just aren’t your business.

I don’t know what that has to do with @ninjastar being a “powerful figure”. I just happen to agree with her here. We’ve not agreed on things and I don’t hold back honest opinion just because of it.

And I will say this, it IS your business if she chooses to make it so. But thinking she cheated is a stretch.

The woman and women in this situation disagree with you

If they disagree and agree with you, why ask for opinions?

It’s been stated so many times by both of them, “yeah she definitely should’ve told me and she won’t do it again” but why didn’t she?! I’m not asking political questions here, she’s not very liberal either

They’re could be something more behind this story. You say this is when you were in Atlantic City drinking did you notice any cheating behavior after that? I understand where your coming from and I would be a little worried to that she lied to you about that so what else could she be lying about.

Just talk to her and figure these things out. Her friends going to have her back no matter what so you can’t believe her somewhat.
I understand where your coming from though

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