Hey everyone I haven’t posted or been part of a discussion bored for well over a year so I thought I’d stop by again I’ve had schizophrenia for about 4 years now it was really rough at the start I lost my house I worked so hard to get lost the job I loved lost my car but luckily my parents took me back in I lived with them for quite some time then my fiancé and I moved out in into a trailer oh yeah I also got engaged so that’s a positive but over the last 4 months my symptoms have been getting worse again frequent paranoia voices hallucinations and they are all extremely violent and want me to do violent things he tells me how good it would feel to hurt people and he makes me feel it and a part of me hungers for it sadly it always has I’ve never acted violently but in my mind all I see is death and blood when I look at people I see all the different ways I could hurt them I know it’s wrong but it dosent feel wrong I’m working with my therapist to control it to make sure I don’t give in and hurt anyone but I have had to call 911 on myself and had the police take me in cause the urges got to strong to control. I actually just got out of the hospital today cause last Monday I fell into a homocidal delusion but I feel stable again for the moment and I’m just wondering do any of you have anything similar to that hunger that lust for violence or is there something deeper than schizophrenia wrong with me looking for advice
My voice Alien often suggests me to kill my husband and even if he doesn’t say it he inserts thoughts in my head to do so. I hate it because I love my husband and would never want to harm him. It’s so distressing! I have sza for 16 years now. And I’ve had violent thought insertion for quite some time. I take it out on myself. Sometimes I used to cut. But I try to fight the voices. It’s hard but it’s worth it. I’m not a violent person - Alien is.
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