I really thought i was keeping my city safe from chinese and russian spies for about 3 months straight. A lot of people would just laugh at me but i was ready to die to save my country. Im forever different from the experience. Im proud i handled it but i didnt enjoy it in anyway.
During i stayed on meds i even wanted it to stop so i added abilify to caplyta per my request no improvement. Forced by threat of being kicked out of my living situation because my family wanted me on an injectable because they decided for me and didnt believe i was taking my meds. This despite offering to show them me taking daily as directed. My uptick went away two or three weeks before switching to the injectable but just on caplyta abilify after 6 weeks offered no improvement but disrupted sleep with sweating. My voice is forever different now even more intrusive honestly but i get to have a good life still i shouldnt complain but i am. I want my thoughts back.
Frustrated with my family threatening to put my stuff on the curb and change the locks they seeked to cure my now anger at their decision with more medication which didnt change my symptoms but led to a month of the 2nd worst akathesia ive experienced straight with no relief. I learned to appreciate the things they were still doing for me to get over my anger about getting my hand forced while i was aware of the uptick and was in the process of adding a 2nd AP.
They knew because in my room i was talking to myself⌠thoughts just forced out of my mouth. No doctor has ever even awknowledged a lot of us have this symptom. Without an explanation they dont even ask usâŚâwhats it like?â âIs it stressful?â âTheres nothing i can do to help you im sorry i hope that it passesâ
I think you used to post selfies. Iâve never been one for talking to myself but I imagine it would be mentally exhausting and stressful. Is your medication all sorted out now? Are you âstableâ now?
Yeah, keeping your housing should be a priority. Since itâs your family youâre living with, I assume youâre getting a good deal on rent. The process of finding new housing is stressful and itâs hard to find good deals.
I appreciate you reaching out. I posted a couple. Luckily ive lost about 30lbs after switching from the overdose of invega i was on that had me drinking 3 gallons of water a day from the cogentin from the akathesia. Ot was really fun peeing all night while trying to sleep. Doctors really need to learn a lot about us. Id be curious to see more about drug reps recommending higher doses? When it gave me absolutely no more symptom relief than a low dose of caplyta.
Thanks for the concearn if im being honest im still not doing great a lot of symptoms even though im properly medicated. Hoping to add cobinfy.
Housing is stable and i picked up a job teaching martial arts. I know its gonna sound like a delusion of grandeur but im still world class which comes with some great injuries. It is learning combat so youve gotta do combat you know.
I cover my expenses with my family with im very lucky for disability very thankful but thankful to overall have a great relationship with family too. Overall im lucky
Im used to just being in a state of feeling happy that im alive! Lucky for the air i get to breath.
I also stumbled into a great relationship with a beautiful understanding woman.
The talking to myself definitely isnt by choice its very stressful one of my symptoms along with extreme delusions of control i believe they are called although rare also i believe
I do man luckily! The universe isnt done teaching me lessons yet lol but its being kind to me as well. I appreciate you reaching out and showing you care about my venting tonight!
I was trying to save a planet from aliens. Terrifying and exhausting. My life has been so much better since I started treating it like mildly ridiculous crap and just put it on ignore. Now I can get stressed over normal things. LOL.
I can understand that im pretty sure one family member has PTSD from watching me go through it.
This is my third major one. The first one for me was just the embarrassment the most but i used to be a person who got embarrassed easily too. Im different now and im thankful but dont like my hand being forced. I was a sweeter person before life happened have to force it back in and not lose it.
The experience reminds me of the deftones song âchangeâ âin the house of fliesâ
I really wish I could hand you a magic wand with enough zap to fix everything in one go. This is an illness of inches. In that the recovery is an inch at a time and every inch is hard fought using every tool you have in your kit. It sucks but thatâs how it works for now until something better comes along.
learn to divert your attention from thoughts of delusion with something calming and focus on that until the thoughts stop comingâŚyou have to wop the weasel on the head with a hammer a couple months before it goes away.
I appreciate the advice. I think these delusions of control, like all the other symptoms are not very understood. Im lucky to have you guys to talk to because imho we understand them the most.
Really appreciate everyone whos reached out. Giving me great information and as always its super nice to know im not alone!
@Corian , your very symptomatic and your situation is serious. Please keep away from any martial arts type of things, because you will become uncontrollable in public any time. Take your medicine properly, this is the only option. May some antipsychotics suit you in future. I think as ages passes the effect of schizophrenia should become less, if you take medicine.
Hey man i appreciate the concearn. Always take my meds and am doing the best that i can. Martial arts is about discipline over violence im highly trained in my discipline the most. I havent been unsymptomatic since i got this 10 years ago so i dont know any different. Schizophrenia sufferers are not violent people my man and neither am I.
Cant go around running from shadows doctors tell us arent there gotta live our lives too!
