Realized the obvious

My co-worker called me “mellow” last week. He said something like, “Wow, you always seem so calm while everybody else is stressed and arguing.” I walked away thinking about it and I realized it was a compliment but I had mixed feelings about it. Awhile later we ran into each other and I said, “That’s funny that you called me mellow because my friends in high school would think it’s funny if they heard that, because back then, I was always playing football or doing hard work or other physical things.” My co-worker got it and he laughed.

But something had been lurking in the back of my head but I hadn’t given it much thought .

It recently came to the forefront of my consciousness about a month ago. It is this: I have a bad back, the doctor says it’s lumbago. My lower back is always stiff and if I put too much pressure on it will hurt badly and strain it. It started 4 years ago when I had trouble bending down to tie my shoes. It was just irritating at first but I seriously injured it at work and I missed a lot of work because of it.

And it got painful to bend even the slightest. Sleeping was painful and awkward and getting out of bed was an ordeal. I was living in the board & care home and I used to have to park my car 4 blocks away because of the parking restrictions caused by having a university just blocks away.

So almost every day I had to walk 4 blocks to start off my day. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, it was good exercise. But then I started freaking out. This was a big city and the homeless were everywhere and there were gangs and drunk college kids all over the place. And my back is so bad that I cannot run and if someone wanted to mess with me and knocked me down I would probably go into shock from the pain and even to this day, if I ever fall, I might end up in a wheelchair; my back is that bad and painful.

I confided this to my roommate and he was a cool guy and he was in the military in his twenties and he offered to walk with me to protect me. It was a helluva nice gesture but I would rather risk walking by myself at night with the bad back then get someone else injured because of me. I was just freaking out because my condition is not one that will heal, I will have these back problems for the rest of my life.

I didn’t see how I could go out in public if I couldn’t defend myself. It really messed with my mind. But it dawned on me last week, I will never play sports again. Never. It’s impossible. No more baseball, football (my cousin was playing tackle football at my age) no basketball, no soccer. I can’t play all the sports I grew up playing. And even worse, as I look back at my work history, in my condition, I could never do most of those jobs now.

I can’t unload trucks, stock shelves, steam clean carpets, do labor like digging ditches or yardwork like digging out tree stump’s. Most of my twenty odd jobs were physical and I couldn’t do them now. It’s a tough reality to accept. I’ve always been a physical guy but no more. I’m lucky that I can vacuum at work and empty wastebaskets but I even have to be careful doing those. If I leave this job I won’t know what I will do for a job next. I’m not qualified for a desk job. In fact sitting for a long period aggravates my back too. I will just have to wait and see what unfolds.


dang im really sorry to hear this man, my backs kinda wonky too. My days of parkour did a number on me lol Dont worry about the future my friend, where there is a will theres a way. Youll figure out a kind of work you can do. Shoot theres 10000 different things you can do, maybe even start your own at home business! What kinda things would you want to do for a living?


Yeah getting older isn’t easy. Especially when you have injuries involved. I am 42 now and i don’t even get around like i used to. Sorry to hear about your back problems. My younger brother had back problems in his twenties and had to have surgery for it way back then. It can indeed be tough to live with. Hang in there, though, and take it a day at a time. At least you have the job you have now. No need to worry about a future that may or may not happen. Just take it easy. It will all work out.


Well, I never studied it in college and I don’t have any experience at it but I thought being a millionaire would be a good line of work. I’ve never done it before but maybe they can train me. Maybe just part-time to put food on the table while I look for better work.

lol just do what you love and everything you need will come with it

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