you ever have those epiphanies where youre like, wow, I am sz or sza and you just can’t believe it. I never thought in 10 million years i had the genetic disposition to become sza.
it explains how and why i always created my own “waves” my whole life. being sza makes me more confident for some reason .
also i notice all the warning signs throughout my youth that, now, it’s obvious i had something abnormal going on.
I felt really relieved when they gave what was going on with me a name. ‘You are schizophrenic’ is one of the last things you want to hear but I almost jumped out of my chair with joy when I was officially diagnosed.
That is the thing about sz. It is so subtle and tricky for me. I have vague memories from my psychotic break, some are obviously sz hallucinations and delusions but some of them could be actual events. I can’t be sure. I have to spend a great deal of effort not looking back and trying to decipher specific events because I will never figure it out. It is best for me to look forward I think.
I’ve had at least 3 times where I was completely convinced I had as and it really cleared my head/grounded me.
I don’t want to blame everything I did when I was younger on being ill, but something was not right. Even when I got sick at 17, my parents never took me to a doctor - I was found in a city centre 20 miles away wondering the streets and someone called an ambulance. There is no real education for MH in the UK - or at least when I was at school
Yeah. I had strange thoughts and behavior for a lot of years.
Mental illness education should be a part of the system. It could make a hell of a lot of difference with people’s lives. It could have made me seek help a bit earlier if I had an idea that such symptoms weren’t normal!
To be honest, I have only been diagnosed a few months and kind of reacted with shock and horror. Like on the one hand, it felt better having an answer to the question of what’s been wrong with me all these years. But to have gone so wrong mentally and not really known it left me feeling like I can’t trust myself.
I always thought schizophrenia affected older people for some reason. When they told me i immediately got an image in my head of an older homeless guy talking to himself and said I couldn’t relate to that even tho I always talked to myself. But I can feel this post ya.
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