Reality vs schizoid

So i got diagnosed as manic bipolar… During manic episodes I experience psychosis… I’m with a cool guy but he’s more of a roommate. I hardly spend enough time… There’s no real relationship… I’ve learned to adapt my reality andbwarp a false sense. When my amazing partner is home… He sleeps smokes pot and does his own thing. So I literally fill my time with things that aren’t necessarily important to cope.
So maybe I’ve deduced my illness as a religious phenominon as a coping mechanism. A us vs them simplistic mindset sooo illogically thought up. Scenarios that end up with infinite responses as to reason. But there’s nothing but consistent reasoning on my behalf to form schemas that would exist with the irrational behaviors. The rationality is not present even if correspond with given religious sects.
It’s all like a poorly written script but that is what mental illness is… Like someone who has a poorly directed plot. The bad guys they use illusionistic tactics.
I keep wanting to rationalize irrationality
My illness is coping and finding reasoning behind mondane actions that I will never understand. .maybe the actions succeed my understanding. I know that there’s a God in heaven who knows past present and future. Man in all his capacities is not omnipresent
So why does humanity insist they’re fully in control. There’s an illusion of “control” even our very perceptions are notions imposed upon our psyche
.choice is illusionary.


Why does humanity insist they’re fully in control ?
1- You do not ask any one to coming on earth as a human being or else
2- You do not choice your father,mother,sister or brothers …etc
3-You are a male or female without prior question
4-you do not choice your birth day
5-you do not choice your environment
4-you do not choice your mother language
7-You do not choice your religious belief
8-You do not choice your face features,color,body length …etc
9- you can not rejection the water,air,food ,light,gravity…etc
10- Just you can choice and control the thinking,speech and all types of human behaviors
(what you think,what you say and what you do )
11- in Schizophrenia,the man loss to choice and control (for awhile) the natural thinking process therefore his speech/behavior become meaningless (for awhile) !

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I’m sure this makes sense to you but it is incoherent…

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choice is not illusionary imo. control is.

there are plenty of choices within our control and some that are not, that is life. when they are not it seems like control is taken from us but that in and of itself is only a loss of our grasp on the acceptance of things we cannot change.

control is one way most of humanity has a difficult time with life because life is not about control. it is a balance of structure and chaos. not being able to control everything goes against the human ego and therefor makes us feel inadequate. a built in circuit breaker if you will.

humanity insists fully to be in control of everything as a way to cope with the grand scale of life and how small we are in comparison. fear and mortality.

not everyone does though and when we accept that we are just one part of this experience called life we are happier, more productive and less focused on that which truly does not matter.

others could put it much better than i could.

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See I’m working on control… Im in control of nothing. A complete and utter let go of everything and saying there’s God who controls everything and it is illusionary to be in control.
My brain accepts this. I can do nothing. But my flesh. I come from a history of abuse so my control became a way to survive. To either harm myself or pickup and work on myself. Im capable of controlling nothing. But I am fighting my belief that God isn’t in control. God is in total control.

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