Hello, I’m 24 and I have been dealing with a host of mental problem. OCD and depression my whole life. Moodswings, hallucinations, crippling anxiety, panic attacks, pain, hypervigilance, and energy dips and spikes since maybe 20. Over the course of several years I have been recovering very well. I still have a lot to deal with, but I feel like a great challenge in regaining confidence and trust in people is that I can’t tell the difference between my hallucinations and when someone is gossiping or insulting me.
When I’m by myself I hear voices talking about me, but not nearly as much as when I’m outside. When I’m in the house with my family I just hear them talking about me and doubting me. Everyone around me seems to be nice and stuff, but I aalways hear mumbles under people’s breath and whispers from crowds of people. It’s not very direct. Because of this I don’t trust people and I second guess myself a lot. I’ve confronted people in the past both tactfully and aggressively and only once has someone admitted to it. I don’t know when it’s all in my head or when it’s real and I don’t want to tell anyone about my mental problems so if it wasn’t said to me directly I just go about my day so I won’t cause trouble at work or get arrested if an argument becomes physical because I have enough of hard time keeping a job. This is bad because I have problems controlling some compulsions, moodswings, or energy level so I appear strange so I take it people will want to talk about me. It’s absolutely the worst feeling in the world to have people talk about you and you feel your hands are tied and they think your a coward and weak. It makes people not want to be around you quadruple. Also I don’t like doing my hobbies like stand up comedy and martial arts because I don’t know whether someone I train with or under is disrespecting me and I wouldn’t want to stay there in that case. I would really like someone’s opinion who has experience similar things and what they do different.