So i’ve been delusional for a while now and i’m starting to feel like they’ve been rational
Thinking that i’m being spied on, that there are cameras everywhere and in everything, always being monitered: I remember when my mom bought an audio recorder when I was 7 or 8 and i never know what happened to it. They always say that they will put cameras up around the house because people stole stuff from our front porch and she lost money once and thought we stole it. There are cameras in TV’s and computers and When i was about 11 I saw on the news about how hackers are hacking into device cameras and if you do something embarrassing they’ll charge ransom or release it.
Thinking that everyone poisons my food etc: My dad is the primary cooker in the house… and he doesn’t like me at all. He threatened to take me to foster care when I was 12. basically want to get rid of me. What easier way to get rid of me then to kill me? My mom not so much… only when she’s cooking when she’s angry i’ll be scared… same with my sister.
Thinking that I’m better than everyone: i’m one year ahead of my grade. I’m skinnier, smarter, and prettier than alot of people. it makes sense that I would believe this.
Thinking that romantic partners are cheating: I don’t have a significant other or anything… but my parents have each other. my dad has been unfaithful several times so I always think he keeps cheating. I know he is… he has too. I’d imagine that if I had someone that they would cheat because they would find someone better…
Someones controlling/reading my thoughts: I remember when I was about seven or eight and I thought my pillow was Reading my thoughts and sending them to my parents. It was originally nothing bad but once I realized that my pillow was reading my thoughts weird and crazy stuff came up into my head that I didn’t want them knowing about.
Thinking that I am dead/don’t exist: sometimes life feels too real for me… Colors are very vibrant…things are going too ‘lifey’. i’ve been thinking about this a lot… what if I’m dead in this whole life is an illusion? I mean it hasn’t been proven that we aren’t DEAD… i guess. Nothing is really real… this is just my mind and events happen because I think them…
thinking that random things have importance to me (such as billboards): this actually happened to me last night most recently… I will sit for hours trying to connect dates of important events to me and the actual day. for example, May 31 2013 is 5/31/13. add them all up together and you get 13. 13 is some crazy unlucky number right? my birthday 8/23… adds up to 13 as well… NOT a coincidence… it’s meant to be. EVERYTHING is like this for me… I will draw this stuff from ANYTHING… using this example because it kept me up until 2 AM (4HOURS) thinking about stuff like that.
thinking of bugs are crawling all over me: I always have the sensation of bugs are crawling all over me. It’s always before I go to sleep and I ask you to scratch my leg right now because I thought something was crawling. nothing was there. this when I feel that I can be rational because I remember one time I was in my mom’s bed and I felt an itch… I will scratch myself at the slide is it so this time I said that I wouldn’t scratch it… But it didn’t go away I looked down and it was a bug. recently I seen more of these bugs (twice since 2012) once in my bed (2016) and once in my sisters (2014)
that people are talking about me: i’m in high school… everyone talks about each other. I know people talk about me… it’s not bullying or anything it’s just the typical. but whenever someone’s laughing near me and I’m not in with them… And i’m wearing something weird or did something I find weird then i think they’re laughing at me… ALL THE TIME
thinking that I’m going to get killed: Again that’s kept me up until 4 AM last night. my room’s right next my parents. we had a little argument last night but it was nothing big… anyways after that I kept thinking they were going to kill me or send me off somewhere… I kept thinking about how i’m going to self-defense. this was normal though… I think about how i’ll protect myself If they’re going to come kill me. well anyways I heard them wake up at night and they were talking but I couldn’t make out what. so my first instinct was to think about how to protect myself because I knew they were going to come into my room and kill me right then. I know exactly how they were going to do it too… I had ~visions~ of it. I literally almost got up and left the house because I was so scared that they were going to kill me. I sometimes think about killing them before they kill me… But i know i could NEVER do that. I remember a few weeks ago I was in the car alone with my dad and I was So scared that he was going to strange me to death right there… I RAN out of the car! this happens so often… I can see it I know they’re going to try to hurt me… But i don’t know. I guess i know they’re not but I know they will. My parents don’t abuse me or whatever but i can tell they don’t like me.
that I’m being followed: this one I can explain by me watching a lot of law and order SVU haha… being a girl I’m just always scared that some random person is going to kidnap me and kill and rape me… I don’t even like to go out alone anymore because there are so many bad people! Which sucks because there are so many nice trails near my house… I live a near a lake and river… But i haven’t been there at all this summer because i’m scared some sicko will kidnap me.
I guess what i’m trying to say is that is this rational? Does anyone else experience this? Are they even considered delusions?