Hello.
I feel like Johnny Cash saying that.
I have been dealing with the fact that my attention span is entirely shot lately and I don’t know why. I am on Risperdal right now and have been fine for a year or so. I feel like if I got pulled over driving they would think I was drunk and it’s kinda scary. I can barely focus on conversation, wow I got distracted writing that, and it’s hard to read the news paper. What could do this? I lost it and told my folks that I was hearing voices when that is really not whats going on. I quit vaping and smoking five days ago but went back, I just bought a carton of cigarettes today and have cigars coming in the mail. I think they thought I was drunk at the store. I have people who stop by my house to talk to me, mental health workers, and our conversations have been fine. One is a musician and talks alot about the local music scene. He thinks I am one too, they told him that when really I just know how to play drums but am too rusty on them to play in a real band again. I don’t know, I’ve told him that but he still wants me to find a band at the local drum shop. I don’t really play any more, I jam for 20 minutes once a month and get bored. Sorry, that was a tangent jeeze. I really need people to talk to. I’m alone everyone has moved away from the places I’ve lived over the years and I end up isolated which is a trend in my life. Whenever I move back in with family I get isolated. I am 39 this year and it really ***** that I’m alone. I miss my ex she moved way down south a few years ago and gets too busy to talk. She called and left a message on my birthday and that was nice and we have good conversations on the phone. People hear this. Sorry I talked to my parents about what I’m dealing with lately and they started lying to me after that. What is that? It happened in my late 20’s when I was crazy for a while. My father told me my brother was at a phish show in Nevada. The same one where the covid outbreak was, and I know he wasn’t there. Why would someone supporting you start lying when you talk about symptoms? I can handle it but it isn’t exactly helpful. Lawyers man. I miss my ex faince. She died in 2013. I fell for her at a farm community and moved in with her in a nearby city. I lot it on the ride to her place. All my confidence went out the window and I could barely talk anymore. I remember all of it but the conversations have skipped my mind. I think I’m losing my memory as I get older. I did alot of LSD, Mushrooms and ecstacy in high school. Never mind marijuana. I’m scared. I rememebr sitting against the wall with a beer in her apartment and listning to her speal about something. I was falling in love entirely. She was an incredily intelligent woman. I miss her greatly. I’m ranting again but then that was the point of this. I said so in the topic. God I’m dead. I listen to the radio on Alexa alot these days. Local community radio. NPR when I can pay attention and a local city station. I spilled wine on her carpet, Sorry I diverged, and she became an angry old woman and cried all the time. I dealt with that but we broke up. I need a friend right now. Does anyone want to talk at all by the email function on this webiste it would help me I only talk about the news and wildlife with my folks. I have a clubhouse I can go to but I’m not so sure these days. I was on the board of directors, six month seat and was the coffee guy at one which shut down. I flew out west for the international conference and helped give the governor a tour and drafted letters to state agencies and local groups there. I enjoyed smoking cigarettes outisde and shooting the **** with friends. I should go back but I can’t bring myself. I stopped by but I don’t like the staff. It’s not as relxed as my last clubhouse and it’s run from the top I’m afraid. At least hey are internationally accredetted.
I don’t know. I need help. Has your attention span ever gone out of whack? What could this be? I am not psychotic I hate that word. I am sane. I have been stuck in a hole of repetetative thought lately and I can barely manage to get out without drinking. I am just getting through the day here each day.
Does anyone want to talk? I know it’s a bit much but it would help. PM me if you do?